aefme

Sleeplessness

2012-01-20T04:57:00.001Z

I wish I had better ways of dealing with things. I wish that my thought this long night is based on a extreme hypothetical and money. I wish I wasn't stuck here wasting a night slowly way listening to the rain when I should be asleep next to my wife.

I wish I had more control over how my mind works. I wish I had control over all those things in my life that I dearly would love to control, to fix, to make better, to improve. I wish that for every long minute I have been up something good happened to those around me. I wish that my very creative mind wasn't very creative at thinking. I wish it would switch off when I needed it too.

I wish I could escape this tricky that my brain plays. I wish that the sound of rain on a window sill wasn't enough to set me off (I wish it was a lovely sound like it should be). I wish that I didn't have to try to force myself to fix this right now, putting further pressure on the need to fix this. Right. Now.

I don't have some of the things I would like. I gave up pretending that ultimate control of my life was in my hands or some destiny, yet. Yet... Here I am thinking about control. I know there are people who are worse off than me, I have friends and family who are in worse health situations than me (or potentially, though that doesn't stop the back-off-head worry until the results come in).

I want to fix so much. Which might be the problem, I should be looking to make the smaller changes. I can't fix finances any time soon, but I can change my approach to some of them. I don't have control over my job, but then at any point did I ever, honestly? I can't fix everyone around me, I shouldn't try to (a lesson a dear friend once showed me, and I haven't properly learnt).

What can I fix? What I need to. Sleeplessness sucks, it is tricks in my head that take me out of normal life. I need to get on top of this because ultimately the reason I am having trouble with my sleep is fourteen months ago.

There is a good side to this. I may lack the ability to sleep properly but it's not a gambling addiction (or any addiction) otherwise I would be screwed.

This week I have mostly been reading... Elective choices

2012-01-20T02:08:00.000Z

I thought that I had done with elective choices, but a big part of my work seems to be based on them.

I have also been considering digested reads, how to capture the essence of a book in a set number of words. Actually, not just books, films, plays, TV programmes. I have a reason for considering this though I am not sure if it will be much use. In a month or so I will see if I can provide digested reads for a few things, first I've got to get through elective choices and assessments.

Other reading:
Redemption Ark, Alistair Reynolds.
'The Incredible Exploding Man' by Dave Hutchinson, 'Sweets Spots' by Paul Di Filippo, 'The Best Science Fiction of the Year Three' by Ken MacLeod, all Solaris Rising.
'Hand In Glove' by Ysabeau S Wilce, Steampunk: An Anthology of Fantastically Rich and Strange Stories
Banner Helpguides. Work related.

Confession

2012-01-11T21:34:00.001Z

The start to the year has meant I've put photography things to one side. As soon as I can I'll update 35 for December and start on January's pictures (though not many of those at the moment...).

2012 should be a good year. There are some very interesting things coming up, including more photography, an animation (hopefully), and holidays, and music.

This week I have mostly been reading... The Impossible

2012-01-10T18:48:00.000Z

SPOILER ALERT, if you're concerned about such things

And it was a really impossible, full of impossible scenes, plots, narration and coincidences. I thought Death Train by Alistair MacLean would be fun but by the time I got to page mid-120s I stopped. I knew what was happening, I knew the outcome and any possible surprises that might be included to make it interesting. The passage that broke me was a scene in which one of the lead antagonists meets one of the lead protagonists, no capture, no arrest, the protagonist let him get away (in fact, he let himself fall unconscious in this supposedly horrible character's presence). Floodgate is better.

I finished Revelation Space by Alastair Reynolds this week, so I had a bit of choice about whether to read Chasm City or Redemption Ark. I opted for Redemption Ark as Chasm City is not sequential. The rereading of Revelation Space was good, there were elements that I had completely forgotten though I can understand why (tricky thing, regeneration), and the sense of foreboding just keeps building with more intensity until...

Well, I shouldn't give any plot details away but this quote raised a smile:

"That seemed to calm Pascale, fractionally.

Then Khouri told her that Hegazi was dead and that the ship appeared to be trying to murder everyone else left aboard it"

Other readings:
'Clockwork Fagin' by Corg Doctorov, 'Seven Days Beset By Demons' by Shawn Cheng (a comic strip, finally returning to what this block is supposed to be about), and 'Hand In Glove' by Ysabeau S. Wilce, all from Steampunk: An Anthology of Fantastically Rich and Strange Stories.
Fatale #1, Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips. Noir-horror comic book, purchased with a card with a squid-headed gangster on it.
'A Smart Well-Mannered Uprising of the Dead' by Ian McDonald, from Solaris Rising. Another collection of science fiction, this time I think loosely based on hard sci-fi (hardcore, I know the the quantum-buster weapon's core).
FBL Admin Handbook 2011/12. Work-related.

New year, new tea?

2012-01-04T14:56:00.002Z

As it is now firmly 2012 I thought I'd instigate some changes in my life. Mainly, how I consume tea as I do drink a lot of the stuff.

So, on weekdays I will have one cup of 'normal' tea (normal being PG Tips or Sainsbury's Red Label) in the morning, followed by unlimited amounts of green tea, where as at the weekend I'm free to drink as many 'normal' teas as I can.

And I will.

This week I have mostly been reading... Revelations

2012-01-02T15:40:00.001Z

I've not exactly given up on the Commonwealth Saga, I find it hard keeping to certain tasks I've set myself such as reading through the whole saga. I stopped at Judas Unchained because of the bounty of Brautigan books I had, and I stopped reading the Brautigan books because I didn't want to confuse characters/narratives too much. So I picked up rereading Alastair Reynolds's Revelation Space, which is very enjoyable.

Reynolds's universe is hard, there's a clear distinction between the haves and have nots, an ever-present threat of violence on a sliding scale between slow acting poisons and planetary destroyers, and manipulation. Lots of manipulation in fact, both of the characters and of the reader. I find myself switching regularly between characters and their motivations, possibly more so this reading than before - I thought Dan Sylveste was generally okay the first time around... What has impressed me a lot during this reading has been feeling that there is more to come, the jigsaw being built in front of me is being constructed in such a way that when I think it is clear there will be a revelation to muddy everything all over again.

Other readings
Aesthetica #44. I've seen this many times in the newsagents, finally got the courage up to buy it.
Private Eye #1304. I was a regular reader of PE from the early nineties to early 2000s and returned to it twice since (as in a period of reading it regularly greater than a year), the draw is a little like 2000AD, familiarity that allows new horizons.
The Best of Archie Comics. Having read the first ever strip featuring Archie, Veronica is not the girl for him.
Batman: Knightfall Part One: Broken Bat. Guess who is reading up ahead of the movie release this summer? I read The Hobbit early last year, and have a copy of Nostromo that I want to read prior to Prometheus (I will stick with it being an Alien film until I see otherwise) as well.
Poems of the Decade published by Forward Poetry. I have four Forward Poetry collections, this one book is William Sieghart selection of the poems featured in the Forward books between 2002-2011. The temptation might be not to buy the yearly one, though I will fight this one.
'Some Fortunate Future Day' by Cassandra Clare and 'The Last Ride of the Glory Girls' by Libba Bray from Steampunk: An Anthology of Fantastically Rich and Strange Stories. Steampunk here I come. Also, Steampunk Motorhead covers band: I Am The One, Automaton.

[I have taken a particular approach to the last to books, similar to the collections of Brautigan books late last year. To avoid merging narratives and voices from different stories or poems I will read one at a time.]

A book on the Pennine Way, which my Dad has walked. I'm not sure but I think the title is "The Pennine Way: 250 Miles Along The 'Backbone' of England" though the book might equally have been Tom Stephenson's guide from 1965. It's an interesting read with many pictures, and helped during NYE when I was unfortunately stuck on the loo not feeling particularly well (in fact, I felt like I was going to explode).

My leaving email from my last job in London, 2010

2011-12-23T12:49:00.000Z

To those who I have shared my nights with,

I had wanted to avoid making reference to Lord of the Rings but I am off, I'm going now, I bid you all a very fond farewell. After eleven years at many different companies (I have worked at Worship Street, Banner Street, Union Street and now the Royal Mint Court), I'm starting to feel like butter scraped over too much bread.

My proudest moments have been with Mediagen and Precise, there have been challenges and hard work but always, mostly, worth it. I would like to apologise to anyone I have ever worked with for any swearing induced by work, and for my bad moods when I wouldn't be very talkative (I never completely have control of the NegaJames). I know I can be uncommunicative at times - there are many 'Good evening, how are you?' I wish I've said, usually a second after I've walked passed someone.

I'm going to live in Leeds, where my wife has taken up a position at Leeds Metropolitan University. I don't have a job yet, my only definite plans are running along the river, watching a lot more live music and having a more regular life with Hannah (as well as may be seeing cricket at Headingley). I also plan to be more creative with words and music.

One thing I have missed about Union Street has been the radio and Chris Hawkins's 5.15am request. So here, in memory of it, my top ten requests in reserve order:

10 - When You Dance You Can Really Love, Neil Young
9 - Lucid Dreams, Franz Ferdinand
8 - Lonely Lips, The Chordettes
7 - Never Recover, Cardigans
6 - We're Not Deep, Housemartins
5 - I'm In Your House Pt 2, Cowtown
4 - Wits End, Iris
3 - In Pursuit of Happiness, Divine Comedy
2 - Anything off Radiator by Super Furry Animals
1 - It's Alright Now, Beloved/Returnofthehardcorejumblecarbootechnodiscoroadshow, Bentley Rhythm Ace

So, that's it. When I walk out of here I might be slightly tearful, I was when I left Union Street. I have no advice, my future is a little unsure but I wouldn't want it any other way. The only thing I will say is that talking and listening are the two greatest skills anyone can have.

This week I have mostly been reading... Tharg

2011-12-19T20:29:00.000Z

Dreaming of Babylon: A Private Eye Novel 1942 and The Hawkline Monster: A Gothic Western, both by Richard Brautigan. These two were very enjoyable, there's a lot of detail and thought put into both of them. C Card is a wonderful character, everything makes sense in a senseless way, though Greer and Cameron are better, as is the Hawkline Monster. The villain is overconfident, the heroes anti-heroes of the highest calibre, the women are not easily told apart (which is part of the reason why the book works). Ultimately though, the method of despatching the monster is something very dear to my heart.

Other reading:
The Meaning of Art by Herbert Read. Might be easier to understand if read in one go rather than seemingly randomly in our main bathroom. Read's writing is easy to read, and he puts forward suggestions that I can apply to my thinking about art/creativity. A small gripe maybe, though considering the time Read wrote the essays not unsurprising, photography does not feature in the book despite good photography having the elements that Read describes as 'art'.
The Affinity Bridge. Enjoyable as before, only really had it because my bag isn't waterproof and I didn't want to get my Brautigan book wet.
2000AD Prog 2012. 100 pages of 'back-to-back Betelgeusian mega-blast' says the cover and it's right. I enjoy 2000AD whenever I read it, and this one is nicely full of a Christmas bumper of potential hooks for next year: Dredd; Nikolai Dante; Sinister Dexter. Two of the features are written by Dan Abnett, another two by Gordon Rennie, one of which is a prologue to Aquila - arriving next year. Mm, how much is 2000AD each week again?

35: December 2011 pictures 7 through to 15

2011-12-15T21:30:00.001Z

This week I have mostly been reading... Endings

2011-12-08T17:54:00.001Z

Still no comic book reading for me, though have finished Peter F Hamilton's Judas Unchained. I enjoyed it all over again, though familarity crept in and I found myself remembering more of the little details than the first book, Pandora's Star.

So to counter this familarity, and to force myself not to reread it again, there are now two post-it notes announcing 'January 2022'. I will try to do this with most of the books I read, pushing them away into the future.

Even though I said I would read through Hamilton's Commonwealth Saga I switched my attention to Richard Brautigan. My in-laws have given me a couple of collections of his, the last coming on my birthday, so I figured it would be nice to reaquaint myself with him. I like Brautigan a great deal, though I don't know how to pronounce his name (I opt for Brow-teegan, which must wrong), and have started with A Confederate General From the Big Sur.

I've also been reading The Meaning of Art, a collection of thoughts on the subject.

35: December 2011 pictures 4, 5 and 6

2011-12-05T20:53:00.001Z

Rainbow over Leeds

H in the rain in Holbeck

35: December 2011 picture 3

2011-12-02T22:22:00.001Z

Boar Lane Christmas Lights

35: December 2011 pictures 1 and 2

2011-12-01T18:42:00.001Z


Leeds Town Hall

Three good things: C

2011-11-30T21:10:00.001Z

Good thing 1: Actually doing some work today, learning on the job (as well as booking a day and a half worth of further training).

Good thing 2: Doing some ironing as soon as I got home from work.

Good thing 3: My first '35' image, will start properly tomorrow but for tonight, here's me at 35 (and one week and one day).

Three good things: B

2011-11-29T20:15:00.001Z

Good thing 1: Training, lots of lots of training. Day two of my new role and starting to understand processes.

Good thing 2: Walking up stairs, particularly four floors worth twice over. I know there is a lift but it feels good to walk up the stairs.
Good thing 3: Volunteering with On The Edge, received notification of a meeting next week to discuss next year's efforts. And Christmas.

This week I have mostly been reading... Reboot

2011-11-29T20:02:00.001Z

Well, not reboot actually, as I've not read comic books properly for a week or two now (actually, there needs to be some organisation before I can read them). Soon, before the end of the year, I'll catch up with the DCU (and Godzilla, and the rest).

Aside from not reading comic books I've been plunged into Peter F Hamilton's Commonwealth universe. Pandora's Star finished and only a hundred or so pages of Judas Unchained to go, and then they will go into storage for ten years. I like rereading books, and while there is some aspects I missed in these two (Gore's golden body, Melanie being shot in free fall) there are a lot of aspects I remember (the assassin Gore fought hiding in the fridge), so the ten years will allow for the enjoyment all over again. After I finish these two I will move on to the Void trilogy.

Well, I probably won't. For my birthday my in-laws sent me a copy of a Richard Brautigan book. It's the second I have off them, so will opt for those three (Sombrero Fallout being a much loved book I've owned since 1998), alongside the comic books and the Teeline course.

35

2011-11-29T07:12:00.001Z

Last week I turned 35 years old, it is the oldest I've ever been and not something I thought about twenty years ago. I didn't make plans, I coasted and drifted. To a certain extent I still do, with a little more purpose to where I am drifting to.

On Monday 28th November 2011 I started a new job, a permanent job which means there is stability in my life after almost a year of temping (and almost six months of weekly rolling contract). With this new stability comes increased desire to do creative things, so thirty five poses some interesting challenges. So, there are the rough outlines, I'll update progress as I go.

35 pictures a month: To take pictures, lots of extra pictures to the normal pictures I take. These are to be posted as frequently as possible (late change to plan after attending Booth), from December 1 onwards. First picture will be Wednesday 30 November 2011.

35 songs a year: Very hard, so might have to change to either one single 35 minute soundscrape, or nine four-minute songs. Will see how we get on.

35,000 words a year: I would like to write a book and have many ideas that I would like to put in it, so this challenge will help focus minds towards this. I'm fairly certain that there will be little coherence to these 35,000 words in regards to the overall 'book' but it will be start.

Three good things: A

2011-11-28T21:00:00.000Z

Good thing one: Starting a new job, now working for Leeds Metropolotian University.

Good thing two: Presenting pictures at Booth for both 'Flash' and Saturday 5 November 3.54pm challenges.

Good thing three: Improving health of a friend.

Three good things: Twenty One

2011-10-20T21:14:00.000+01:00

Good thing #1 - A letter, an invitation to a job interview. Because of the timing of the interview, this blog post will be arrived after the interview. I have no expectation of what might happen, this is my first interview in ten months, though I will approach it calmly and reasonably. I can do what I set my mind to.

That said, reading it the first time, legs were feeling a little jelly.
Good thing #2 - Support at work. Again, can't properly explain, but a word and some guidance helped considerably at a time of need.
Good thing #3 - Art Brut live.

Three good things: Twenty Two and Twenty Three

2011-10-15T21:29:00.003+01:00

Twenty Two: Good thing #1 - A colleague at work asking about this. Day Twenty Two is 22 days after the course and when talking about these things we agreed that there was change.
Good thing #2 - Getting through a week of work. Getting paid, getting my timesheet in. Sorting out a lot of things though knowing there were more things. Getting to the end of Friday watching TV with H and enjoying just being away from those things that add pressure to our lives.
Good thing #3 - My middle brother's birthday. Well done.

Twenty Three: Good thing #1 - Wales in the rugby world cup. It's a shame though ultimately the ref's decision is final, and it is difficult to say but it's just not this time.
Good thing #2 - New shirts (See Three Good Things: Twenty One when it is available). My, they fit properly, they fit nicely.
Good thing #3 - Resting with H. Just doing what we do around each other is good.

And Good thing #4 - An unusual employment opportunity. Unusual because it is very different from what I normally look to do, unusual because it plays on my personal interests rather than career/worklife. I may not be the right candidate but like all job applications I will certainly put all my effort into demonstrating why I would be good at the job.

This week I have mostly been reading... old Simpsons jokes

2011-10-12T20:36:00.000+01:00

I didn't get to go to OK Comics this week because of work and personal life stuff. It means there will be a bumper amount of comic books to read next week but not anything new to review.

Not that it is a bad thing. Reading happens pretty much all the time, I'm progressing well with Pandora's Star (actually, near the introduction of MorningLightMountain, so much good stuff before but lots of good stuff afterwards), I've read articles in my running magazine and Leeds Guide and various things. And I have a lot of old Simpsons Comics to go through.

I like The Simpsons, and watch them regularly. I prefer earlier episodes because there appears to be more jokes, and it is starting to be that way with Simpsons Comics. Yet there is still good things happen, even 65 issues in.

Simpsons #65 - More mystery as to why I stopped reading, this was funny, very political and full of Simpsons asides.

Simpsons #28 - Krustonia. This was fun, and had a Forbidden Planet price tag that said 'Do Not Open This Bag. Ask A Member Of Staff. £1.55' (probably bought in the old New Oxford Street shop before the move): "They say they can't broadcast foreign-owned programmin unless you become an Australian citizen and a member of the Republican Party."

Simpsons #40 - "Nothin' smells worse than burnt, wet chimp!" 'Lard Lad Donuts Are Lardier Donuts!'

Three good things: Eighteen, Nineteen and Twenty

2011-10-12T19:22:00.001+01:00

Eighteen: There were good things though it is hard to record them.

Nineteen: Good thing #1 - The light at the end of the tunnel at work, the glimpse of the potential underneath everything that is awkward and difficult.
Good thing #2 - Arts volunteering matchmaking. H and I attended an Arts and Business event in the Royal Armouries, and listened to some interesting offers available for people wanting to gain experience in cultural and arts organisations. I'd like to give more time to volunteering, though even when I have sorted out my employment I will find a balance.
Good thing #3 - Completing a job application on time. It feels like all my free time thoughts are given over to job applications, and after this one I have another three waiting. Annoying as it is, the more time I devote to getting a job now, the more free time I will have later, so there is a clear benefit to it all.

Twenty: Good thing #1 - Good food after a long and hard day.
Good thing #2 - A friend coming out of an operation.
Good thing #3 - H's comfort after a difficult work day. Not able to properly explain all the ins and outs (I'm not even completely clear on them), but the opportunity to relax with my wife is great. I have job applications to complete but not tonight.

Three good things: Sixteen and Seventeen

2011-10-09T19:51:00.000+01:00

Sixteen: Good thing #1 - The Rugby World Cup. I got to bed late Friday night (see here for Light Night stuff) though waking to see the England game was important. England didn't deserve to win, France wanted it, so it went to them.
Good thing #2 - Visiting Sowerby Bridge with H and my in-laws. And the amazing cake shop at Deli Belge.
Good thing #3 - Akbars on Eastgate in Leeds. I admit even now in my deep upset with Star Wars hearing the word Akbar makes me think of General Akbar. Anyway, on with the food. Akbar's is a really enjoyable restaurant and anyone in Leeds should visit, the food and atmosphere are most enjoyable. Then on the way home we took pictures of Leeds at night.

Seventeen: Good thing #1 - H's cooking. With her parents here she cooked a very enjoyable meal for lunch.
Good thing #2 - That moment, when my Christmas plans seem to fall apart, and H and I realised we could spend some time together away from work in November. I need a full-time job soon, I can't handle the disappointments and pressures, but now once the initial shock has gone, there's something to look forward to.
Good thing #3 - My brother's twenty-first birthday. He's amazing.

Three good things: Fifteen: Thank You

2011-10-09T19:39:00.000+01:00

Good thing #1 - H and my parents-in-law bringing warm drink and food for me during Leeds Light Night. It got a little cold while waiting for things to progress, so friendly faces with nice things was very welcome.
Good things #2 - A colleague supported me to do something very important.
Good thing #3 - I helped out at Leeds Light Night. I helped the On The Edge/Urban Sprawl people perform their Medieval play Everyman ('Every Man, and.. Every Woman'), so my time started at 3pm and I got home at 2am. I put up flags, moved haybales and fencing, ran to and from Wilkinson and engaged with the public, and I enjoyed it. Every moment, even when it was cold, even when others were under pressure and there was nothing I could do about it, even when I cut my hand, it was good for me. Prior to moving to Leeds I didn't get a chance to help out in this way, work and commuting pressures were too much, so to be able to do it here is something I'm so thankful for. That difference I can make to something, just by helping out, is such a good feeling. Sure I like performing songs and would like to do that again, but I'm not an actor so to help actors do their thing feels good. Every thank you I get for helping, either doing this or just generally in the street, feels more like me saying thank you. Thanks for letting me chase an ambition, thanks for letting me support you, thanks for taking time to explain things and allowing me to learn. And then, at 2am when I got home to kiss H, that feeling in the back of the head, what will I be doing next.

And, dear Reader, I challenge you to help out. Anything, everything, there will be something to help out with.

Three good things: Fourteen

2011-10-07T07:47:00.001+01:00

Good thing #1 - Approached difficult situation and tried to resolve a lot of issues in short time.
Good thing #2 - Posted first ever eBay item I've sold.
Good thing #3 - Finished preparing the flat for visitors are the weekend.

Three Good Things: Twelve and Thirteen

2011-10-05T18:59:00.002+01:00

Twelve: Good thing #1 - Cooked pineapple pork meal.
Good thing #2 - Tidied up around house and organised laundry.
Good thing #3 - Reread some old Simpsons comics. Much laughs.

Thirteen: Good thing #1 - Minuted notes for office-wide meeting which included thanks from colleague for work I've helped with.
Good thing #2 - Learnt how to process a stationary order.
Good thing #3 - Cooked garlic bulds for tea.

Three good things: Eleven

2011-10-03T20:23:00.001+01:00

Good thing #1: Crumpet.
Good thing #2: Staying close to on-top of what I was doing at work. Two new faces in the office, one under my supervision, a bucket load of HR and finance things to do, and support a slightly depleted team. Still managed most of it.
Good thing #3: Helping H with her injury and cooking tea for us while she rests her leg. Trying to keep her attention away from the possibility of no proper exercise for a month or two.

This week I have mostly been reading... inside the front cover

2011-10-03T20:19:00.002+01:00

Dungeons & Dragons #11 came this week. Prior to #10 I normally looked forward to this, though the artwork switches were a problem. So, rather than reading #11 I opened the front cover and looked up if a few artists shared the honours over the pages. They do, three I think, so going to hold off for a little while to read it, as it might be the last. Didn't have this trouble with the Drizt mini-series.

There is a big DC Universe in which a lot of things can happen and have. There is also an Archie universe, and I am only dipping my toes in it by only reading the main Archie comic. I am a little put off by titles with a great deal of spin-offs, and the number of other Archie titles can be a little distracting: Betty and Veronica and Burger Double Digest and Friends Babies, anyone?

#625 is good though, a special 70th anniversary issue in which all proceeds go to the Ronald McDonald House in NYC. It would be terribly misleading for me to say the plots are formulaic, if we break every single plot and narrative down we get formulas, lots of them. 'Expect the title to be unpredictable' is perhaps the most formulaic phrase. Anyway... there is a problem with one of the Archie characters, a bit of speaking, a flight to New York and concert with some celebrities. I enjoy it in the same way I enjoy Batman, it is escapism with characters I like/relate to (I am Archie just as much as I am Bruce Wayne).

I got into reading Archie via the 'Archie Gets Married' paperback. I've got a couple of 'Showcase Presents..' and 'Marvel Essentials', and I noticed there is a 400-page collection of the best in Archie Comics. Might be something for the future.

Flashpoint started the New 52. The Flash was central to Flashpoint so I picked Flash #1. Barry Allen is an interesting character though I constantly feel I don't know much about him, hints in Flashpoint and elsewhere point to something underneath. Reading The Flash I get the feeling of being expected to know something already, though I can forgive this in this title - the actual plot is quite engrossing. There hints all the way through, the numbered soldiers, the DNA recoder, the case of mistaken identity, all leading up to the final page reveal. I enjoyed that, roll on #2.

The single title New 52 have been a good read so far, some of the characters I'm less familiar with are growing on me and the way those familiar characters have been developed has kept me hooked. Where I am unsure, for example, with ensemble casts I am being patient and waiting. With that in mind I read the last of my New 52 #1s (barring the ones I'm waiting for a second print on), Justice League Dark. Now, where as in The Flash I felt I was expected to know something already, Justice League Dark expects me to know. Who are these characters, what links them, when there is something I'm familiar with it not successful in doing what they do? What is going on? It's not enough to turn me away (after all, John Constantine is involved, and I liked what I've read about him), but part of me was thinking I might cancelling it at some point.

Then, the final page reveal. Now, that will keep me interested. I have seen the future, it is good.

Three good things: Ten

2011-10-02T19:25:00.002+01:00

Good thing #1: Went to the gym and on to Morrisons to help with shopping.
Good thing #2: Watched Leeds v Doncaster at Headingley Stadium, which was interesting though Leeds lost.
Good thing #3: Helped H with an injury. And burger.

Three good things: Nine

2011-10-02T19:22:00.001+01:00

Good thing #1: Woke up after disturbed night of work (cheers, neighbours) to watch England v Scotland in the RWC2011. Had bacon sandwich too.
Good thing #2: Cleaned kitchen.
Good thing #3: Went to Kinsley Greyhound Track for an evening of racing, enjoying the atmosphere and the betting.

Three good things: Eight

2011-10-01T16:43:00.000+01:00

Good thing #1: Attended knitting course at work. Didn't complete but started.
Good thing #2: Solved two concurrently running problems at work while focusing on the outcome.
Good thing #3: Attending fund raising event at Temple.Works to help support On The Edge's light night efforts, got talking to people and listening to good music.

And... Good thing #4: I managed a week of Three Good Things.

Three good things: Six and Seven

2011-09-30T07:59:00.001+01:00

Six: Good thing #1 - Took suit to be dry cleaned and asked about alterations.
Good thing #2 - Finished job application.
Good thing #3 - Supported colleague by printing out maps of Bradford city centre.

Seven: Good thing #1 - Worked through feeling terrible and wanting to go home.
Good thing #2 - Resolved HR issue and coordinated three people.
Good thing #3 - Completed job application at short notice and only slightly panicked when had to revise at end of day.

Three good things: Five

2011-09-27T22:04:00.000+01:00

Good thing #1 - Had miso soup instead of coffee
Good thing #2 - Discovered mistake I had made at work and rather than panic I set about rectifying the issue
Good thing #3 - Helped H find something in the house

This week I have mostly [not] been reading... Nightwing #1

2011-09-26T21:08:00.000+01:00

I have never used eBay to sell things, so I thought I would start by selling my copy of The Acme Novelty Date Book Volume 1 1986-1955. I read it once since buying in 2003 and I won't reread it before sending it to its next owner, I just didn't take to it. Selling more of my comic books and other possessions is something I've been considering for a while, and though most issues will go for around 50p before postage, it might be quite therapeutic.

I don't just read comic books. Just after the last posting I started rereading Peter F Hamilton's Pandora's Star, for what must be the sixth time. I like sci-fi and I like whodunits in the classic sense, and the betrayal in the first part of the Commonwealth Saga is exquisite. My intention is to read through Pandora's Star, Judas Unchained and then go through the Void Trilogy. The relief will come from H2G2 and comic books.

What appeals about rereading this sort of story again is picking up on how early the writer hints at the betrayal. Pandora's Star is a lot like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, the twist is there to see, a hint that you could mistake as something else unless you know. My recollection for TTSS is that 'everything comes back to' the mole's character - don't want to give it away now, do I?

On with the comic books. I read up a little on Animal Man, and went to see of Ok Comics had it in. Unfortunately no, but I can wait for the second print run. What I did come away with is Batman, Catwoman and Deadman, and a collection called We Hate Tank Girl.

Batman is written by Scott Snyder so I'm looking forward to the read. And it doesn't disappoint: Batman fighting alongside the Joker in Arkham; Bruce Wayne's master plan for 'aggressive' investment in Gotham; and Dick Grayson's betrayal.

Well, not betrayal as such, I hope. Grayson has seemingly been framed - well, that's what I'm sticking too for my favourite-character-after-Bats.

Maybe because it's Batman or Detective Comics but I am unlikely to cancel them. Other titles I'm less sure of, and I'm not sure what qualifies as an ongoing title for me. Character? Plotting? Art? And Catwoman fills me with these questions.

I picked Catwoman over Batgirl written by Gail Simone, maybe the task here is for Ms Kyle to be greener than green grass. Catwoman starts with a bang and ends with seduction, which I was prepared for (thanks, Detective Comics) but somehow not enough. Catwoman gets her Bat.

A trip to my parents' over the weekend gave me the opportunity to pick-up some of my older comic books. I have very fond memories of reading through my Simpsons Comics with my best friend in 1997 in a flat in East London. Now I have an opportunity to read, review and consider selling.

I pick the first two issues of the Simpsons, issue 1 and a collection of strips from The Simpsons Magazine. Then at random I read issue 36 (with has some good Judge Judy jokes) and Futurama #1. I forgot I had these and it was quite refreshing to read early Bongo.

Finally, DC Universe Presents: Deadman. I like the ideas of a title dedicated to showing off other characters in the DCU. Deadman is quite interesting, with a chance of redemption by helping live the lives of others. Rama is included, a goddess directing Deadman's life and ignoring his pleas for guidance.

Until the final page reveal. Of these titles, Batman seems the weakest visually, yes the reveal is intriguing but the image is Alfred in the Batcave. Not Catwoman and Batman getting it on, or Deadman calling Rama by holding a gun to his head.

And then I remembered I didn't get a copy of Nightwing #1.

Three good things: Four

2011-09-26T21:02:00.000+01:00

Good thing #1 - Helped line manager with sensitive work.
Good thing #2 - Organised meeting in office as a result of equally sensitive and tricky situation.
Good thing #3 - Bought trousers and jumper so suit can be dry-cleaned ahead of anticipated interviews.

Three good things: Two and Three

2011-09-26T08:06:00.003+01:00

Two: Good thing 1 - Travelled by train to my parents' house in Lincolnshire for a family gathering. Going by train saves considerable money.
Good thing 2 - Played with my little nephew who has an amazing smile.
Good thing 3 - Found my collection of Simpsons Comics with a view to read/sell.

Three: Good thing 1 - Celebrated my parents' 40th/Ruby wedding anniversary.
Good thing 2 - Sorted out Christmas plans for myself and H, thus saving money in the long run.
Good thing 3 - Submitted a job application on time.

Three good things: Zero and One

2011-09-23T21:37:00.000+01:00

Zero: I took part in an emotional resilience course at work today. It was very revealing and gave me a few things to think about. It was more surprising than anything else, both in the lead up to the course (I'd suggest taking the VIA Survey of Character Strengths questionnaire, it's free as well) and during the sessions today. I won't go into it now, I have more questions than answers at the moment, though there is something I wanted to do straight away.

I was asked to write three good things that happen to me every day for a week. I decided to blog this effort, and not just for a week. Have a go yourself, let's let the good things out.

One: Good thing #1 - I took part in the emotional resilience course at work.
Good thing #2 - I resolved an issue with a colleague very quite. We both used things we learnt during the course, and talked through how the issue made us feel. I was in the wrong in that I didn't properly talk through my thoughts.
Good thing #3 - I asked about joining in with a group run at my local Up and Running. I didn't commit but it was a start.

This week I have mostly been reading... #1

2011-09-17T20:00:00.002+01:00

With the launch of the New 52 I thought I would try my hand at writing about comic books. I am an odd geek, I like and love a great deal of comic book stuff (and sci-fi, fantasy, video games, pop culture, music, we could go on for a long time, couldn't we? Samurai films, manga, good TV, Doctor Who, the list is endless and stops here) but don't *know* a great deal about them.

There is a big, six to ten year gap in my reading, when I started reading I kept very closely to the titles I knew or that people I trusted recommended, I kept studiously away from what I perceived as 'the big titles' and I read and reread Akira a lot. Then, shall we say in 2008, with the new Batman films and other things happening in my life, I started again. I didn't know where to start, so I asked people I knew and checked out online to things I might be interested in. I had a greater understanding/appreciation of the 'big titles' because of the films of the last decade or so, and a lot of the titles I read before had finished.

So, it is now 2011. DC have relaunched their universe and I will start a weekly review of what I'm reading. Let's go back to Flashpoint #5...

31 August 2011
Flashpoint is fun and I'm enjoying my first proper trip into the wider DC universe. Up until the start of Flashpoint I stuck with Batman and Batman and Robin for comic books and read a couple of the Showcase volumes (I do try to watch as many comic book films as possible), so I had a chance to read about the Flash and the other characters I've only seen as cameos or references. I didn't know about the Flash's time travelling though the idea of creating an alternative nightmarish through regret is good. Barry Allen has regrets, and wants to make things better.

The end sequence, with the mystery woman and the uniting of the four DC/Vertigo universe sets up Justice League #1 very well. This is virgin territory for me, so setting the story 'five years previously' helps a great deal. Batman is Batman, I know about him, and the special forces trying to capture him, again, I appreciate this. The villain is not someone I recognise but it doesn't matter, he is just a plot device to help tie in the special forces and the Green Lantern. I like this, lots of fun and hints of the future.

7 September 2011
I went to the late night opening of Ok Comics. I like Ok Comics a lot, they are always helpful and seemingly quiet happy to put up with my questions (really, I once asked if there was a superhero nurse as I wanted to see if there was something to be done for Nurses' Day, and Jared knew the answer) and it's always nice to go and buy stuff. The opening was fun and the other customers interesting (not that I spoke to any of them, but hey, one day).

I bought Detective Comics #1 because I'm a big Batman fan. I like the character and the background, and I particularly enjoy the ambiguity of his character, so this was not real 'surprise' purchase. There is a surprise at the end of the issue, the Joker seemingly caught and confined to the asylum, but that last image, his face removed by his partner in crime The Dollmaker, and it's my hook. What happens next...

The rest is new ground. I've never read Superman in any form, and have avoided the direct titles in the New 52, but thought I would give Grant Morrison's Action Comics a go (the theory being that I enjoyed his Batman and Robin). And I'm rewarded for this, Superman is a character I can grow to like, the 'I wouldn't have to do this if the cops did there jobs properly' certainly appeals, as well as the jeans and boots. I think part of the reason I avoided Superman was the clean cut nature of Clark Kent in the movies and Superman's role in The Dark Knight Returns (let's not even discuss Smallville here, even I know it seriously messed with the universe/cannon/whatever you want to call it), so this less than perfect Superman is enjoyable. The motif for the New 52 seems to be very strong, very striking final pages, and Action Comics' Superman pinned between train and building looks good.

Swamp Thing is also new. I know a little about him/it, but didn't read Search for Swamp Thing. Luckily I don't need to, the title explains itself well enough for me and I like Scott Snyder's writing style (having been reading him before the relaunch). The threat to the world is quite disturbing but rewarding, it made me think of the comic book Bone and the first Men in Black movie, and for that I am very happy. Superman appears in the issue, though not the jeans and boots version of Action Comic. And then, that final page, Swamp Thing himself. I wasn't sure if Holland was supposed to be Swamp Thing or if Swamp Thing was someone different, so will have to see where this goes.

And finally, a new character. Batwing #1 introduces something new into the DC Universe. I admit that originally I was not going to get Batwing, I'm trying to be very careful with my money at the moment and it was one of the titles that was 'interesting but not interesting enough'. Then I noticed some of the reactionary comments about a black character leading his own DCU comic book and I thought, if it upsets bigots it has to be worth a read. So, Batwing. I like Batwing, I like his take on the Batman myth, a good man trying to do better for his fellow country men. I'm not so sure about the supporting characters, particularly the police officers Batwin works with during the day, but then there it is, the big reveal on the final page, Massacre strikes again. And how.

During the night at Ok Comics I also bought Knightfall. I had heard about the forthcoming role of Bane in the final Nolan Batman film, and knew about the story but have never read it. Part one is interesting, previously Bane has attacked Killer Croc and Bruce Wayne is sick and exhausted, so Batman has to run a terrible gauntlet of villains to try and catch up with Bane, but his is always one step behind the masked villain. Bane knows who Batman is, and the final sequence of the volume is Bane beating Batman and breaking him. Except, I don't know, except Batman seems to want to be 'broken' so he can recover and come back stronger. Bane is very determined, and very determined characters only ever see what they want to see. Knightfall also introduced me to Batman's guilt over Jason Todd, how I enjoy the intercontextuality of the story knowing Todd came back in Grant Morrison's Batman and Robin. Yes, a very good purchase, time to save up for the next volume.

I also bought but have not read yet: Retroactive Green Lantern 1970s and The Flash 100-Page spectacular.

14 September 2011
A bit like the Fast Show sketch, this month I have mostly been reading DC comic books. So, to break the grip of the DCU... Dungeons and Dragons. Over the last year I've been reading the ongoing D&D title but had somehow missed issue nine, and now it has arrived. Fell's Five are trapped in the Feyworld after saving the world, and are caught not between good and evil but 'power and more power'. One such power is the father of Fell's love, who explains how the Five might get back. But there is a problem, or two. The opening bad news/good news gag rarely mores and maybe should be changed to stop the opening of each issue from being predictable, and the mix of artists through the pages is seriously off putting to me - it doesn't follow and makes me wonder if I'm missing some of the story. I read issue 10 afterwards and there it is again, that disjoint, I guess I will have to see if it calms down or whether to stop reading it.

The other non-DCU title is also Dungeons and Dragons related, Drizzt issue two. I have never read a Drizzt novel but appreciate that he is a well-loved character, and the comic book helps introduce him to me prior to the forthcoming novel. I prefer the dwarf vampire a lot more, particularly his attempts to remind himself who he is by burning his hand in sunlight, but at the moment the narrative seems to predict his demise. Shame.

Anyway, back to the DCU. Suicide Squad #1 is the first title I don't take to straight away. It might be the lengthy time taken to establish the characters and the initiation process they undergo, it might just be the premise, or just that I wasn't in the mood for it all. The final page, the Squad being dropped in to kill a stadium full of spectators, didn't grab me like the Joker's face pinned to the wall did. Maybe issue #2 will be better.

Green Lantern #1 next. Green Lantern was the first non-Batman title I read in the old DC universe, and I wanted to read it after the relaunch to see if I would take to it. It starts on very different ground to what I know about the Green Lantern, with Sinestro being GL and Hal Jordan seemingly struggling with life after giving up the power ring (cold turkey does seem to play with his mind, crashing in on a film set when he thinks a woman is in danger). Sinestro too seems distracted with the chance of redemption that the Guardians have for him, though it means he can't protect his planet from those he chose to oversee it. I was a little confused with one panel which stated Sinestro's death (though maybe I own one of the misprints, who knows?), but again, the final reveal, Sinestro's offer to give the ring back to Hal was worth it.

Finally, something I was very interested in. I know of Dan Abnett from Warhammer books, particularly Marcus Darkblade, so I appreciate his approach to darkness. Resurrection Man #1 is an interesting idea though not completely beyond the realms of what I like - I am a massive Doctor Who fan, a character that comes back to life from death always appeals (though not in a religious sense, though one favourite Doctor Who theory 'Doctor as God' always makes me smile). Anyway, Resurrection Man is a hunted man, and the pretty-woman-who-turns-in-a-monster reveal is very rewarding, as is Resurrection Man's demise via the jet engine. At first the reaction to the characters wanting RM's soul as being evil, though I've got the impression that there is far more evil inclined characters to come. Thinking about it now though, I can't remember the final page reveal, so a quick reminder reveals that it is a woman, stating: "The Resurrection Man always comes back. And this time it spells trouble".

Initially when I thought I couldn't remember the final reveal there was a thought that maybe it was a problem with the title, but thinking it through it is all there, that desire to know what happened next, that month wait to read the forthcoming issue. Which is what I want from the comic books, from any media I consume, themes, plots and narratives that appeal to me and hooks that make me want to come back for more. To paraphrase that horrible joke, 'I don't know much about comic books but I'm willingly to try new things until I learn more'.

Post script: I have a Scott Pilgrim tattoo on my left fore arm, Mister O by Lewis Trondheim and Bone by Jeff Smith on my right calf. My 'big' tattoo idea centres around Batman and Usagi Yojimbo, and it will be big, very big.

'You silly goose'

2011-08-16T22:07:00.004+01:00

My thoughts are somewhere between the guitar intro for Hunting Tigers and 'not needing to work due to lottery win'. So...

I'm really looking forward to the following (in chronological order): cooking courgette cookies; tidying the flat; anniversary things (slightly secret, shush); seeing my parents; taking part in my first On The Edge steering group meeting; completing a handful of song lyrics; a second Yorkshire cycle ride; Bank Holiday Monday (though not looking forward to the not earning money on Bank Holiday Monday); getting some of the New 52 from Leeds's Ok Comics; and starting the September job hunt.

That takes me to the start of September. I'm not desperately looking for a new job, but that lottery win would be nice.

Questionable Content 1965

2011-07-08T17:54:00.002+01:00

My name is James and I read comic books and web comics.

There, I've said it.

Now, Questionable Content. The image you're about to see has been brewing for ages, I'm rather cheered up by it. I find the style and content very appealling, and the creator very inspiring. There have been like 1964 other episodes but the actual timeline is close to two years (by my not very good reckoning).

This moment is like a little will they/won't they scene in a film. There is always one, even in the goriest splatter fest imaginable, and everyone relates to it differently. My relationship with this image is personal but not personal - I can't tell you at the moment. All I can say is I got home from work, sat down and saw it and it cheered me. It is not an answer to the solution I currently face, and I wasn't really down to begin with, it was just there and I thought: "Yes."

And also, if J. Jacques can draw it, why shouldn't I give it a go?

Experiments with rum: "Hello, I'm going to buy a new tattoo and go to the loo"

2011-06-26T12:14:00.007+01:00

"Hello, I'm going to buy a new tattoo and go to the loo"

I talk in my sleep, I've done it for most of my adult life. I also snore and can have some very vivid dreams. I find what happens in my sleep extremely interesting, I know something is going on in my mind because I recall it though I have no power over what happens or the direction of my thoughts. Finding such things out would be very revealing.

How to record what happens in my sleep-head has always been a mystery. There's randomness that I can't plan for, and when by chance I have evidence of my sleep-head thoughts I have deleted it without thought (one night at the start of my night-work career I fell asleep typing and continued to type, in a waking start I deleted all the words and started on work, little realising what I was deleting).

That is until I discovered rum. Dark, good quality rum, which I usually drink neat. It has amazing effect on me, seemingly opens up sleep-head for very memorable dreams and speech. Whiskey also has the same effect but drinking more of it lessens its powers. So, last night I had three large glasses of rum, and last night I spoke in my sleep. And my wife, H, heard me. She heard me say the title of this post: "Hello, I'm going to buy a new tattoo and go to the loo."

Which got me thinking, with the aid of a sound-activated recording device I could capture some of my sleep-head words. Whenever I pour myself a glass I should set up said device, then any late-night musing can be caught and dissected. With the aid of my 8-track recorder I could soundtrack them as well, to see how creative my sleep-head is.

Though most likely I will use said recordings to try and figure out things in my head. Who knows?

Home

2011-06-12T21:39:00.003+01:00

I have three homes. There is the main one, here in Leeds overlooking a brewery by the river, which I share with my wife. There is my parents' home in Lincolnshire, where I grew up after the age of about ten, and there is my in-laws' home in Cambridge. I feel comfortable at all three, they relax me and allow me to be me rather than the 'work-me', for example.

This weekend was spent at my parents' home, with their ever-so-slightly crazy Westie Jashper (I think that's how my youngest brother suggested it would be spelt because it had all our initials in) and my middle brother, my sister-in-law and my nephew. H and I had a good time relaxing, eating and generally being around good company and lots of whisky. I drank a lot of said whisky, and discovered that alongside Aberlour I don't like Tullibardine. Always good to know which whiskies make you feel like you have the sharpest sharp taste in your mouth.

Now we're home, and I have been messing around with job-related stuff. I've set up a page on Linkdin, though I am not completely sure what this might do. Still, looks nice.

Sleep and anxieties

2011-06-09T11:59:00.000+01:00

Without going into the details, last night I had a little trouble switching off my thoughts ahead of sleep. Up until I switched from night-work to day-work I never really considered how badly I slept, it was just one of those things. So what on a Sunday I might only get four hours sleep before the final night of my shift, or that some weeks it would take me three, four, five days before I could consider myself 'back' into a normal sleep pattern, only to return to nights two days later.

Following the move to Leeds and change in employment, things are a great deal different. Now my sleep is governed by a host of things, the main one being my internal thought process and my inability to switch it off tonight.

Take last night. I had begun the process of turning off my thoughts well before when I had intended to 'sleep'. And then, at one moment when I was in bed and almost asleep, a stray thought about the following day and a task in hand, and it was gone. Awake, buzzing thoughts trailing through my head, cascading from that one momentarily thought. What to do.

What to do. So, I watched the end of Hot Fuzz, tried a bit of Stuart Lee's Comedy Vehicle. I don't enjoy being awake when I should be asleep.

Some of the things that I know affect my sleep. Alcohol. I can drink alcohol quite happily, thought find when this kind of thing is on my mind it all contributes to general sleep weirdness and bad, bad dreams. Food, eating late when anxious means I will make up early. I'm not sure what causes this, but on some nights I sleep in two-hour batches.

Anyway, I've found Big Bang Theory on, one episode then bed.

Post script. This posting was delayed and timed to appear the moment the cause of my anxieties should end.

Catching up is so hard to do

2011-06-08T23:08:00.001+01:00

The idea had been to write regularly and build up from there. But this has quite gone to plan so far.

Have been applying for jobs this week. The hard part had been my CV, from that applying for jobs is a lot easier. Have two done and have another two in the pipeline.

Weigh in date

2011-06-03T19:11:00.001+01:00

I am now 12 stone exactly. For the last few weeks I've been stuck around the same weight, which is partly a result of not exercising at all (twisted ankle at start of April) but mainly down to choice of diet. So, will have to be stricter with myself.

Which shouldn't be hard. I have two reasons to lose wait, to be healthy for myself and for my wife.

Anticipation

2011-06-02T20:18:00.001+01:00

I weigh 11 stone 13 and a half pounds. I think it is the lightest I've been for a very long time, and while I don't think it is that evident there does seem to be a reduction in my size. It's not that evident to me because the largest part of me, my beer belly, doesn't seem to have reduced in size. I've been weighing myself every week since the tail-end of February, and been trying to keep within the Weight-Watchers Pro-Points system.

I'm generally successful, though there are a few days when I just guess and put in a total for the day. The system appeals to me a great deal, I get to record everything I eat and drink with detail which is trackable all the way back to the beginning, a food diary with calculations and digits. Which makes 'guessing days' rather annoying.

What I've learnt since the end of February is that some of the foods I used to rely on as what I thought of as 'healthy' were not very suitable as comfort food. I've always known I eat to compensate stress and pressure, and trying to break that cycle is difficult. But I'm getting there, gradually, like the cliche, one step at a time.

Or, as I prefer to speculate, like a automatic shopping trolley climbing Mount Everest. Scepticism, Inc, by Bo Fowler (apologies for the link) is a fantastic book and I urge everyone to read it. Again and again and again.

White Rabbits! A day late - A Blog relaunched

2011-06-02T20:09:00.005+01:00

It's June, time to give blogging another go. So, from now on, I'll try to post daily with (hopefully) a minimum six out of seven days posted on.

The 'Essential Thor' book has been put down, there's a glass of whiskey to aid the writing process Fleming/Greene-style, I've had Beatles playing after getting home from work, here goes...

Email from 2009 I never sent expressing concerns about something that I hope are resolved

2011-05-12T10:26:00.004+01:00

Good morning [male name removed]

I know we had a meeting to discuss the recent situation yesterday, but I wanted to put down further thoughts on the matter. [Example removed].

With all of this going on, it has made me think hard about [Text removed]. Over the last, may be, six months I have sometimes felt I am not as good as I need to be. Some very big changes have happened, and while I know I am capable of adapting and meeting them, I also feel I am not. I feel I have not been able to handle [Text removed], I have taken up too much time thinking up to solutions to things that need to be fixed quicker, and I feel out of my depth dealing with [Text removed]. I know I have support, and ultimately I know that it is my [Text removed] to run, but this is how I occasionally feel.

Please excuse this email, because I don't want you to think that I am weighed down by doubts at every step. I have all the confidence in the world that the problems that have occurred will be resolved soon, and largely with my help. This is more an email to tell you that sometimes I don't feel up to the opportunity that has been presented to me, but I will tackle it to the best of my abilities regardless.

The simple fact of the matter is this, I have always been this way and yet [Text removed] felt that I was capable to do the things asked of me, both in 2005 when [Text removed] and 2007 when [Text removed]. In 2009 I have helped deal with [Text removed], and while sometimes it has not gone completely to plan, it has worked out so far.

It will be interesting to see what 2011 brings.

Yours

J

Note: This email was written in 2009. It came at a time when I felt very contradictory about my ability to work. Though the issues that it mentions were already being dealt with, I felt that I needed to express myself this way to clear some of the air (in my head) about things. In any given moment I feel absolutely capable in dealing with work and absolutely under-equipped to deal with it.

I post marked this for publication in 2011 because I didn't want it to come out at the times of the issues it relates too, and for the fact that I noticed a pattern in the dates, 2005, 2007, 2009, so there for 2011.

New ideas for song and something

2011-03-12T17:08:00.003Z

I think I can make this work:

Coat hanger for Monday, Yes

Coat han-ger for Mon-day

Coat hanger for Monday, Yeah

Coat han ger for Mon-day

Also, have had an idea for a song based thing. Not sure what yet but thought it was good:

'Stereophonic, adds an extra tonic' (Stereophonic Sound) The opening battle, coming along Bond Street and seeing people fleeing the robot-creature-demon-alien.

The cowbell keeps ringing (Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger/Secret Vampires) Joining the battle, trying to escape from the robot-creature-demon-alien and its horde. Using any weapon at hand to save oneself and get to loved ones.

(Missing song hinting at sadness) Seeing the destruction of buildings, including own block of flat in which loved ones were in. Resolve to bring an end to the robot-creature-demon-alien and its horde.

Me, Myself and some experimental weaponary (Me, Myself and I) Discovery of the secret weapons technology laboratory near to building rumble, along with some pretty experimental weapons. Use weapons to save others, including workmates of loved ones. Discover that loved ones were not at home, that they might be safe.

Fight for your right to battle the robot-creature-demon-alien (Fight For Your Right) Even though loved ones might be saved they are still in a great deal of danger, and with the robot-creature-demon-alien's horde growing in strength there going to be a lot more battles. With the experimental weapons and a small band of fellow fighters, start the fight back. Initial successes met with increased resistance among the horde.

Robot-creature-demon-alien Killer Queen (Killer Queen) The fighting becomes more desperate, the horde becomes stronger and the robot-creature-demon-alien evermore confident in its conquest. More and more there is injury and death and depletion of weapons and the horde. In a desperate, probably last chance attempt, use the last remaining experimental weapon to aim at the robot-creature-demon-alien's creature head. With that, the fighters concentrate their weapons on the alien head, the robot head and finally the demon head.

Tomorrow is just another day (Tomorrow Never Knows) The world rejoices, the threat of the robot-creature-demon-alien has been overthrown and while we know we are not alone in the universe, we know that we can kick arse. The world is seen whole and green/blue, alone in the night sky, but then, final shot, other robot/creature/demon/alien starships head towards it, readying themselves to test their might against the strength of the Earth.

Leeds runs 12 - 23

2011-03-03T07:05:00.000Z

12 Wednesday 2nd February 2011
615am, 4 and a half miles taking 45 minutes exactly, up to Hyde Park Corner listening to bird song and early morning traffic.

13 Sunday 6th February 2011
1125am, 4.5miles up to hyde park corner. No music, very windy. Was difficult, mentally and physically, and took 49 minutes 24 seconds, longest to boot. Annoyed about glass on pavements.

14 Tuesday 8th February 2011
755pm, 4.5miles up to Hyde Park Corner IN ONE COMPLETE GO. Took 43 minutes 27 seconds, in nice highvis vest, and as I had no music I sang Where's Me Jumper? to keep pace, need new songs.

15 Thursday 10th February 2011
618am 4.5 miles up to Hyde park Corner taking 47 minutes and 5 seconds. Had between three and four hours sleep, so harder mentally and physically. Listened to music but didn't listen.

16 Saturday 12th February 2011
905am 4.5miles to Hyde Park Corner in 44 minutes and 33 seconds. Okay, twinges all over but went all the way with 30 second break to retie shoe lace. Saw Parkrun Leeds lot in Hyde Park.

Note, all runs begin and end roughly half a mile run to and from home.

17 Sunday 13th February 2011
1020am 6.5miles round Hyde Park Corner to the Leeds University building and then back, take one hour and seven minutes. Interesting, felt okay except for slight scatalogical problem and one shoe starting to disintegrate.

Long break of nine days. Bad but should be okay if stick to training here on in.

18 Tuesday 22nd February 2011 622am 4.5miles out and up to Hyde Park Corner in a not-too-bad-considering-length-of-break 44minutes and 13seconds. Listened to bird song.

19 Thursday 24th February
625am 4.7miles (after route revision) up to Hyde Park Corner and back. Felt comfortable at a 8-9minute per mile pace with room for improvement. Might push for 5miles.

20 Friday 25th Februay 2011
620am Distance no greater than 5miles after slight route revision, around Hyde Park Corner. Took 48minutes 32seconds.

21 Sunday 27th February 2011
300pm Distance no greater than 4.5miles, up to Hyde Park Corner and avoiding crowds on the Headrow. Took 41minutes 38seconds, so faster paced than normal. Should aim for eight minute miles next week.

22 Tuesday 1st March 2011
620am Just short of 5miles up to Hyde Park Corner. Upset stomach and slight disappointment about weight on the morning contributed to a not-very-good run. Took 44mins 23secs, which is roughly 9mins12secs per mile. Didn't stretch properly after Sunday's run, also choice of meal Monday night might have to be reconsidered - lessons learnt for next run.

23 Thursday 3rd March 2011
617am five miles up to Hyde Park corner, took 45minutes 41seconds with average 9mins8secs per mile. Accepting current pace is hard, might reverse route for a week. Saw squirrel and a fox. No music, for about two weeks.

Leeds runs parts 1 - 11

2011-01-30T22:20:00.002Z

1 Tuesday 2nd November 1045am
Roughly 7.5km along Leeds Liverpool canal, 45 minutes, three periods of walking

2 Wednesday 3rd November 200pm
Same as before. Again 45 minutes, three periods of walking. Felt shorter, more difficult effort

3 Thursday 4th November 1217pm
Shorter 2-2.5km loop, faster paced. 12 minutes, lots of effort

4 Friday 5th November 1105am
7.5km along Leeds-Liverpool canal, less than 300m walking, 45 minutes, easier to go longer distance without break

No music all week

5 Tuesday 9th November 2010
7.5km along Leeds-Liverpool canal, 45 minutes in the wet and rain. Okay, initial return-after-three-days-off kind of effort

6 Monday 13th December 2010 2pm
35 minutes running through Hunslet, distance less than 7km. First leeds half-marathon run, Chemical Brothers for music

7 Wednesday 15th December 2010 1220pm
48 minutes run through Hunslet listening to the Beatles Abbey Road lp

No distances for runs 6 and 7.

8 Tuesday 18th January 2011 625am
22 minutes 7 seconds running around centre Leeds mainly up Brigate, Bentley Rhythm Ace lp

9 Thursday 20th January 2011 620am
17 minutes 9 seconds running nonstop around leeds city centre, the one mile loop taking roughly 8 minutes 30 seconds. Listen to Chineseman's Groove sessions 1

10 Friday 21st January 2010 610am
Just over 2.2 miles in centre Leeds, excluding to and from Brigate, in 17 minutes 48 seconds (to and from run was roughly ten minutes). Listen to random selection, started with Stereophonic Sound. Felt good, if in my mind second mile slower

11 Sunday 30th January 2011 310pm
Four miles up to Hyde Park, via very steep hill. 48 minutes 5 seconds
felt good, slow average pace but hill was a surprise, did all-in-one in about five minutes

New Year Resolutions 2011

2011-01-01T00:28:00.004Z

So, another year passes, another year about to start. A great deal has happened in 2010, to write it out simply would not do it all justice, but simply I must. H and I got married in August, and honeymooned in Scotland. If the busyness of our lives prior to that event had been amazing us (changes in who I worked for, professional challenges for H, not to mention the sorting, organising and financing of our big weekend), what happened next would be something else.

It happened with. Well, I'm not sure. The desire to change jobs had hit us both, particularly regarding my employment as a night-worker, but it was agreed that H should look for a job and I would follow. It had been agreed that H would not be looking in London. There is a list somewhere, among all our (still) unpacked boxes, of suitable university towns and cities. And on it is Leeds. And in Leeds there are two universities, and at one of those universities was a job.

Upon accepting the job we had four weeks to pack, find a new home, for me to quit my job, and to move. And yet, we managed it. There were stresses, moments when we could have thrown it all away Mole-like, and then there were rewards. That first meal in our local restaurant; our first walk through Leeds on way to the university; freedoms that we could never enjoyed in London, gigs, city centre living. The list of good things about relocation to Leeds keeps growing, I could not list everything, and I wouldn't even want to guess were my and H's lists differ.

There is another aspect of our new life in Leeds that has been a benefit to our marriage. There was an amazing feeling shared between the two of us on our honeymoon, a closeness that both of us wanted to last far beyond our return to normal lives. And then, in Leeds, it started returning. Life here is good, it is the life we enjoy, we work hard at our relationship to enjoy our life together.

So, in the new year the change to come. I start my new job at the start of the year, it will be a chance to experience a new role and to develop. H's will be the same, though she has had a two month head-start in working. We will continue to enjoy everything we can find to do in Leeds and with our new found lives. There have been changes in family life, a larger family with new roles for both H and I, a sense of hello and unbundling and way-hay.

Anyway, on with things. Importantly, to family and friends, I wish you all good health and love in what 2011 brings. Where I am today I would not be if it wasn't for H and all the love and support of family and friends. I am proud that you are all part of my life and I hope to make you equally proud.

And now, the resolutions:

Number one: To be able to run a half marathon within six months (well, actually, on May 8th when I take part in the Leeds half-marathon), and be on my way to being able to run a full marathon by the end of the year.

Number two: With the exception of a handful of items (at last count, two books, one CD and one DVD), not to buy any new books, CDs, DVDs or games for myself by at least the end of April and hopefully May. After that, to avoid unnecessary purchases as much as possible.

Number 3: To do better as a person. Simple, always strive, always try.

So, that is it. I hope that 2011 goes well for everyone. I know of changes in my life to come in 2011, I know of changes in other people's life to come, so to them and to myself I will say: be strong, follow the course, do what you need to do to achieve the things you want.

Post Script. Almost twelve hours into the new year and I remembered my fourth resolution.

Number 4: Not to drink instant coffee for at least six months, therefore only drinking coffee from a filter.

Update:

Number 4 was broken on Saturday 12th March. Not too bad but figured better to finish current instant coffee before buying own filter.

Hard sci-fi strikes back?

2010-12-03T12:51:00.002Z

Today, going on with my job search, I decided to watch Empire Strikes Back. I'd been meaning to since hearing about the death of Irvin Kershner, but today seemed like a good day. (Actually, subconsciously, may be I am channelling something my youngest brother said, about the snow in the UK being 'like Hoth').

While the film started I had chance to muse on something. At the moment I'm enjoying a lot of 'hard sci-fi', writes like Peter F Hamilton and Alastair Reynolds. I know it kind of contradicts my view of modern novels for being too long (at least hard sci-fi seems to be properly edited), but there is something in them that makes me read and read again.

I'm not sure what, but watching 'In a galaxy...' come up make me think, may be the reason I enjoy them is that all of the action happens in my head, there will not be a filmic version to ruin the experience. I have a version of Quinn Dexter in my head, I doubt anyone could fill my imagination quite so well as the written word.

So far...

2010-12-02T13:45:00.002Z

The best gig of the year for me was seeing James at the Royal Albert Hall, totally blew me away and such a fantastically amazing gig.

Worst gig experience of the year also involves James, and some tickets to see them on Thursday 9th December at the Hammersmith Apollo. It would have been an amazing gig, my favourite band supported by H's favourite band, the Pigeon Detectives. Except because of a problem with delivery, which means the tickets have been sent to my old flat (in Isleworth, 200 miles away) because the 'secure' delivery company couldn't give me fair notice to tell them of a change of address.

Brought this up with the people who I bought the tickets, Sandbag, and they won't do anything about it. Despite me having paid for the tickets. And the booking fee. What is a booking fee if backroom staff can't help their customers? At the moment, not going to be going to London to see James. Not going to be able to see friends and have a night away from Leeds, the job search and all of that.

James will probably always be my favourite band (along side SFA), but after this experience, probably be another seventeen years before I see them again. Shame really, as they put on an amazing show.

Comic book work in progress (as in, as I write it): The Fall and Confession of the Intergalactic Criminal Mastermind Algy

2010-11-30T17:25:00.000Z

Will be leaving a lot of the visual to the artist (if there is one, if not, use your imagination, folks)

Page 1, two panels, both fifty percent of page.

Panel 1: A clear and beautiful skyscape, with a very small amount of aeriel's and antenna visible at the bottom of the panel, the top of a city. Title across top of panel. One narration box, near bottom of panel.

Title: THE FALL AND CONFESSION OF THE INTERGALACTIC CRIMINAL MASTERMIND ALGY

Algy: ON THE WHOLE THE FUTURE WAS GOOD...

Panel 2: Same beautiful cityscape, partially obscured by a male face (cheeks, chin, mouth, nose, eyes), looking upwards. Narration box at bottom of panel.

Algy: TECHNOLOGY DELIVERED NEITHER THE UTOPIA OR DYSTOPIA IT HAD THE POTENTIAL FOR.

Page 2, two panels, both fifty percent each.

Panel 1: Same skyscape as before, only with more of Algy's body showing, this time the top of his head and his chest (but never his back). Narration box at bottom of panel.

Algy: HUMANS MADE THE SAME PROGRESS, SOMETIMES FAST, SOMETIMES SLOW, TOWARDS WHATEVER WAS THEIR FUTURE.

Panel 2: Same image, though zooming out of Algy's body. Narration boxes at top right corner, centre and bottom left corner.

Algy: NUCLEAR WEAPONS? CHECK.

Algy: SPACE TRAVEL? CHECK, AFTER A COUPLE OF FALSE STARTS.

Algy: FASTER-THAN-LIGHT DRIVES? CHECK.

Page 3, two panels, fifty percent each.

Panel 1: Same image as before, though zooming further out of Algy's body, almost reveals that Algy is falling. Narration boxes at top left corner and bottom right corner of panel.

Algy: CONTACT WITH OTHER SENTIENT LIFE-FORMS? CHECK.

Algy: WAR AND PEACE WITH OTHER LIFE-FORMS? CHECK, REPEATEDLY. DOOMSDAY DEVICE?

Panel 2: Image of Algy falling from a great height, over city skycape. One narration box, top of panel.

Algy: WELL, THAT'S THE THING, LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, I HAVE A VERY LONG DROP. IT STARTS WITH A WOMAN...

Page 4, three rows, one third of page each. First row one panel, second and third rows two panels each.

Panel 1: A formal gathering, a funeral, in a not overly futuristic surrounding. Three or four, may be five people stood around a coffin, with one figure leading the funeral. Two narration boxes, top left corner and bottom right, and one speech bubble from priest.

Algy, narration box 1: MY MOTHER.

Priest, speech bubble: ... WIDOWED MOTHER TO HER CHILDREN ALGERNON AND BRIDGET, BELOVED FAMILY MEMBER AND FRIEND TO MANY, CEO OF THE COMPANY SHE FOUNDED WITH HER LATE HUSBAND BLAKE, GALACTICA DELIVERY...

Algy, narration box 2: ...AND CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.

Panel 2: the funeral breaks up, the attendees appear to be talking to each other, one group of three appears near centre of panel. One narration box.

Algy: MY MOTHER'S DEATH, SURPRISINGLY UNSUSPICIOUS, MEANT I INHERITED THE FAMILY BUSINESSES. THE GALACTIC DELIVERY SERVICE AND THE MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL CRIMINAL EMPIRE. ONE THE FRONT FOR THE OTHER.

Panel 3: Zoom in the group, one of which is Algy, the others lieutenants of his Mother's. One narration box at top of panel, one speech bubble from Algy

Algy, narration box: OF COURSE I KNEW ABOUT THE FAMILY BUSINESS, IT WAS KIND OF HARD TO IGNORE WITH MY PARENTS, THEY WANTED IT TO REMAIN IN THE FAMILY SO ME AND BRIDGE 'HELPED' FROM A YOUNG AGE.

Algy, speech bubble: BUSINESS AS USUAL AS WE'RE CONCERNED, BRIDGET WILL FRONT GD, I WILL LOOK AFTER OTHER BUSINESSES.

Panel 4: Algy and the lieutenants again, this time one looks away as the other speaks. Speech bubble for lieutenant, one narration box for Algy, bottom of panel.

Lieutenant One, speech bubble: WE DIDN'T THINK YOU'D HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY, YOU ARE GOOD AT OTHER BUSINESS. YOU HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT FROM THE BOYS.

Algy, narration box: THE BOYS? OH PLEASE. AS FAR AS WE WERE CONCERNED, IT WASN'T BUSINESS AS USUAL...

Panel 5: Algy and Bridget, last two at the funeral, overlooking the coffin before it is shot into space. One narration box, bottom of panel.

Algy: WE WANTED CHANGE, LOTS OF IT.

Notes and stuff

Character names:
Algy, our protagonist
Algy's mother, dead.
Priest for Algy's mother's funeral.
Bridget, Algy's sister
Lieutenant One,

List of changes

Wednesday 17/11/2010 Start
Sunday 28th November 2010, completion of first four pages after deletion of original notes on mobile phone. Spell checked in a rush
Tuesday 30th November 2010, title

Gig Review From Last Night...

2010-11-26T19:39:00.004Z

The Tallest Man On Earth, Brudenell Social Club, Leeds

We saw The Tallest Man on Earth, until the move to Leeds I'd never heard of him. Basically, wanting to fill our calender with good gigs H and I found him in the Leeds Music Scene, liked what we heard and booked tickets (well, bought tickets from Jumbo Records).

Since the move at the end of October we've been on the look out for gigs. In London it wasn't really something we enjoyed doing, the time travelling, questionable quality of the acts available, so on, but in Leeds, it is something different. There's an amazing local music scene, serving just about any genre one could like, without the hassles of London and the London music scene, TFL and London life.

Anyway, the Brudenell is a wonderful venue. Our first gig there was Ellen and the Escapades supported by Sam Airey (amazing voice) and the Travelling Band. We managed to get lost the first time, and the second time for our journey to see The Tallest Man on Earth. Luckily the doors hadn't opened by the time we got there, and by the time we got in we got a seat. Brudenell is a small venue but with a very dedicated audience.

Before setting off we had had a discussion about money and employment. I'm still looking for a job, a frustrating process but one that will eventually be resolved. It can be a little scary at times considering how much money I have, but sometimes something comes along and makes you go: "Yes, this is what I came here for, everything else will work out".

And The Tallest Man on Earth did that. He sang with his gorgeous voice, played four different guitars (proper use of guitars and effects, perfectly blended so that they benefit the song rather than distract from the sound) and interacted with the audience. They sell out audience loved him, I loved him and I'm fairly certain H loved him. It was an amazing night, had he played after 11pm, 1130pm or after midnight, I think we would have still been there, moths to a Swedish singer-songwriter.

Catch him live if you can, otherwise, hunt down his new lps, they will make you wonder what you've been missing.

http://www.thetallestmanonearth.com/
http://www.brudenellsocialclub.co.uk/

Post script. Obviously didn't review the Ellen and the Escapades/Sam Airey gig at the Brudenell. It was pretty good, Sam Airey is a bit of an amazing singer, informing the audience that his songs were about 'death and the seaside, but not at the same time'. Really glad we caught him, another 'add' to the collection. Ellen and the Escapades were good, but due to the Travelling Band overrunning (and playing stuff I didn't really enjoy), we had to leave early as it was a school night.

http://www.myspace.com/samaireymusic

My responses to a Facebook debate: Part A

2010-09-20T17:00:00.000+01:00

You took the bait, in my comments on Greg's wall I had indicated that I might be inclined to dismiss all messages I deem time wasting with a simple 'I'll get back to you about that'. This is the punchline in a Dilbert animated podcast (Time Management, 14/4/2010).

Pride. Pride involves exhilarated pleasure and a feeling of accomplishment from self-set goals. It is related to "more positive behaviors [sic] and outcomes in the area where the individual is proud" (Weiner, 1985, on Wikipedia). I am self-aware, I know the limits and boundaries of my abilities as well as the unlimited potential of my goals. In saying I had an inclination that I would win the debate, I was basing this on my knowledge of philosophy, religion, political theory, history, human nature and human relations.

In terms of debates about human behaviour and religion, I will argue that philosophy and religion are essentially similar things, they are both systems by which one comes by or develops their morals (Andre Comte-Sponville, A Short Treatise on the Great Virtues, 2003).

Let me put it simply to you, 'the pope is the topic' is rhetorical, it makes no sense. A potential topic might be 'discuss the role of the Pope in investigating child abuse in the Catholic Church', but instead you prefer another rhetorical statement for point number two.

Now, we get to number three, and the reason I suggested using academic references: "The media is known to create propaganda". Without references, how can I challenge this statement, and how can you back it up? I could suggest that there are a great many examples of media-created propaganda, you could have invoked the work of the Glasgow University Media Group's work on the BBC News coverage of the 1980s miners' strike, or the Daily Mail's 1930s support for fascism ahead of World War Two. As these are examples I suggest you could have used, I will not provide references.

After the first three statements, the first framing of my statements to meet your own end, though at least you didn't quote me directly. "Any person who understands religion", that would be a theologist, "could see the alternative behind the points you brought forward about [the Pope's] views on homosexuality and the nazi = atheist comparison". I'm not really sure where you intend this point to go, the nature of philosophy and religion is that we all understand it, we do it just by being human: "To philosophise is to think for oneself" (Comte-Sponville). If you excuse a little logic-leap, are you trying to make reference that a Catholic would understand the Pope's position on homosexuality because it is a central tenet of Catholic faith. Which is unbelievably true, if one follows a religion they accept every tenet as truth, and in terms of the Catholic Church they accept that the Pope is both God's representative on Earth and infallible. In a certain light, religion is not very flexible, there are no 'half-way houses' when it comes to picking and choosing which aspects of a religion one follows.

Point five, which from your comment at the end of it, is a 'landed punch'. It is a punch indeed, my philosophical leanings are in danger of taking a mortal hit.. oh wait, there might be a flaw in your argument. There are many examples in both history and literary fiction of god, whatever its hue, being put on trial (Elie Wiesel, The Trial of God). My understanding of the case, which due to your lack of referencing means I cannot evaluate, is that the two atheists and their human rights lawyers were seeking transparency over what the Pope did or didn't know. But again, I can not argue this as I do not know which case you are referring to.

If one was able to put god [on trial], what would the charges be? The human mind is already capable of evaluating evidence and experience, and has shown over thousands of thousands of years its ability to develop religion and philosophical thought. Across the wide world, billions of people are currently finding guilty or not guilty all religions. What greater trial will there be for god other than time?

Point six. Not exactly rhetorical, but yes, stating that "we live in a time were you are innocent until proven guilty" is a little redundant.

So, on to your conclusion. As I've demonstrated, your points cannot lead to "the conclusion that [the] atheist movement possibly want to hurt religion and they are using very smart tactics in trying to portray the pope as they want him to be portrayed" because the points are not backed up with references and evidence. You state that there "is more evidence for" your charges against atheists than there is against the "pope being a criminal", but you do not provide it for me to evaluate.

Except you frame your conclusion by claiming "it is clear that anyone who can't see the obvious evidence given, is atheist himself and has followed in the chants of their atheist leaders such as Richard Dawkins. or [sic] is possibility not intelligent or wise enough to come up with possible alternatives that would fit the situation more appropriately".

Therefore, I, being "not intelligent or wise enough", am in the thralls of my "atheist leaders such as Richard Dawkins", and not able to to "see the obvious evidence given" because of my lack of religious background.

So, now, on to my conclusion and 'winning' the debate. I actually have two conclusions, both of which I think you should appreciate.

Firstly, 'here is Chewbacca, the character from the Star Wars films'.

Secondly, I am not atheist. I do not know your religious beliefs and I would never assume what they are, doing so would have resulted in me making unqualifiable statements like the one in your conclusions. I do not feel the need to qualify my philosophy suffice to say that all humans are equal and should be treated as such, and where that comes into conflict with religious tenets that oppose that equality, equality of humanity should always be superior.

I am not "grinning to [myself] and judging [your] intellect negatively". Personally I think it is great you can bring Socrates to the debate, it leads me to question what philosophical routes you took to find him. Myself, it was the aforementioned Comte-Sponville, though I also have to acknowledge Monty Python and the Bill and Ted films.

When I said I had an inclination that I would 'win' the debate I indulging in semantics and word play. This debate is unwinnable because it has no real context or system of references, it is just two people with opinions trying to convince the other they have the answer. I feel I am no closer to convincing you as I am knowing "the undiscovered country" (Shakespeare) before death.

It was indeed nonetheless nice talking to you, without questions and debate we cannot think. Do you mind if I post this response on my blog?

JB Priestly: An English Journey

2010-09-17T09:45:00.000+01:00

"Behind all the new movements of this age - nationalistic, fascistic, communistic - has been more than a suspicion of the mental attitude of a gang of small-town louts ready to throw a brick at the nearest stranger"

One liners and word-play up until September 2010

2010-09-01T18:15:00.005+01:00

I am thinking of setting up a gay and lesbian tribute band for Green Day, named Pink Day.

I have no scientific or anecdotal evidence, and have never sold one to anyone, ever, but my magical healing crystal balls really work and have helped millions of customers.

It is always good to read local newspapers when travelling, just in case they run editorials saying ‘Fear The Outsider, He Will Steal Capture Your Soul With His Magic Box’.

She was a woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it: “I am a woman who knows just what she wants, and how she will get it. Not just what I want, but the manner in which I will achieve my aims. It is too easy just to want, hard to truly want something and make it look easy”.

Frankenstein did indeed have an interesting and varied effect on people, though the subtle nuances between kill the monster and only slight kill the monster were difficult to notice in a crowd of fifty strong peasants.

Indietracks 2010

2010-07-28T11:30:00.002+01:00

Will be posting very soon about Indietracks 2010, including my mixtape CD playlist.

Found in Isleworth: A love letter from "IMS"

2010-06-21T12:42:00.003+01:00

It had been one of those weekends, and on my way home I convinced myself I had enough evidence to compile a decent management book called 'How Not To Manage People In The Work Place: Simple Advice For Simple People', so I was looking forward to bed.

Beforehand I had some gardening to do.

Beforehand I had some things to think about.
Beforehand I spotted an envelope on my walk from the bus to the flat. Its thick black pen lines caught my eye, but then again most envelopes or notes on the street do - a discarded letter to a lost friend; a secret love note; a passing thought from a creative mind. All these things end up in the street. Just like the one I found today on St John's Road in Isleworth.

I wonder. What happened next. Did the person who the note was for see what was written,did they secretly know that IMS felt this way and hoped nothing would happen to affect their friendship; did IMS ever get the courage to say their feelings rather than leave them in a note? Who knows, deep down I think IMS is a boy with a girl friend who he loves dearly but thinks she doesn't seem him that way. Though I could be wrong, any suggestions?

Collaborative writing

2010-06-10T12:59:00.004+01:00

Using Craigslist's London website in May, I came up with an idea of writing stories between two people. I would write one paragraph, then the other person would reply with the next one, thus a story would form. Mainly I did this because I like writing but can't/am unable to finish a story, and thought that with someone else's input there would be constant momentum.

It's fun, and I'd certainly advise people to try it - except sometimes it comes to nothing. Here are a couple of the stories that had been started but remained incomplete. I will be starting again with this posting. I had planned to correct spelling/grammar once the story was complete.

One of those days

The office had been locked all week, and the air smelt like it had been baking under the south facing windows. There was no circulation and as he opened the door, Damien Pickford was hit by the stale air and something else, something quite foul. A few steps in he saw the reason for the smell, and moved to stop anyone else following him. There, slumped over a desk in a very uncomfortable fashion, lay a body. Without realizing it, Pickford thought the one cliche that came into his mind, it was going to be one of those days.

He recognized the body. It was Walter Bannister, his boss. Old Walt had always been a portly man but he didn't seem to have any particular nagging health problems. Pickford moved closer the light beam on Walters' face revealed that he had been there for quite some time maybe the whole weekend. The sun and warm temperature ravaged his body. The smell became over powering and Pickford didn't know how much more he could take. He made his way towards the door when he heard steps approaching. As he looked at the pale wooden door waiting to see who was on the other side, he felt a lump build in his throat.

Pickford felt a sudden wave of feelings of fight or flight, though he knew not what he was fighting or flying from. Outside the door the footsteps stopped, a final click of heels coming to a halt just outside the door. Pickford realized that flight would not solve anything, the worse case scenario would be that he could be blamed for Old Walt's predicament, so called out to whoever was behind the door. The person seemingly heeded his warning and waited, though there was a second set of clicks.

'I better come out to you, we need to call the police', Pickford added, looking around for Walt's phone...

Here is how I thought this might be concluded, and some reasons why.

Pickford is framed for the murder of Walter Bannister, the person outside the office door is a police man but Pickford manages to escape. Pickford is named as the suspect in the murder other journalists, all of which were people he worked with or for at some point. Amongst the names of the victims is Betty Romana, a woman Pickford enjoyed an on/off relationship with, and who had left him a message about a conspiracy.

The setting is a marginally futuristic city, and humanity is slowly reaching for the stars. The technology is not noticeably advanced, just part of day-today life. Betty had managed to send a second message with her evidence, as well as a cryptic clue suggesting she had escaped herself. Hounded by the police and private detectives, Pickford's run becomes more and more desperate, until he finds himself cornered in a warehouse complex.

Except that Betty is not dead. She comes to the rescue in a gun fight, and leads Pickford to safety. Betty explains the conspiracy, and that Old Walt was the most important person to have been murdered. Before Pickford can get a proper handle on the situation, Betty tells him the plan to rectify the conspiracy and gives him a choice: help her or stay where he is out of the battle. Pickford decides to help, and there is a thought that may be he wants more out of their relationship.

Following Betty and her other colleagues, Pickford helps to disable the conspiracy and save the city, except the larger city didn't know it was in danger so doesn't really celebrate. Pickford decides that he wants to say something to Betty about his feelings but she is centre of attention and he sulkily makes his way from the party. She eventually catches up with him in a scene reminiscent of Breakfast of Tiffany's but with the roles reversed.

My reasons. Cases of mistaken identity, and were someone is framed for murder, sometimes make me think of an old PC game called Flashback. From this, the conspiracy idea came (though I won't reveal the conspiracy). I wanted Betty to be a stronger character, so that it was in a sense a female heroine, but I didn't want it to become Pickford just tagging along. To follow through with this I wanted the ending to turn on its head the scene in the rain at the end of Breakfast at Tiffany's, so that it is Betty kissing Pickford.

On A Dark, Rainy Night

She felt like asking: 'When will this rain ever end?' She felt like she could do with some answers, and rethorical questions would not do. She wanted to know how she had come to be in this position, and how she was going to get out of it. She poured another cup of coffee, smiled at the customer and wondered, why do waitresses have all the fun.

A low rumble of thunder vibrated the dingy walls of the diner. "Shit," she thought. Trying to get home later in this mess was going to be hell. Sighing, she picked up damp rag, cold from having been lying around for an hour or two, and began to half-heartedly wipe down the countertop. Lost in thought, she almost missed the jangle of the bell above the doorway as a blast from her past walked in, flinging icey droplets from his heavy overcoat.

Oh, that old overcoat, she thought. This might not be as easy as she had originally thought, but there weren't any back up plans. Yet.

"I told you before, I've gone straight, I didn't appreciate you contacting me six years ago and I sure as hell don't appreciate it now, whatever it is, I'm not interested".

"Coffee?", no, this won't be easy.

He sat down at the counter, plucked a few napkins from their metal holder, and dabbed the rain from his face.

"I'm not here to talk shop, Lydia. I'm here to catch up, see how you were... y'know, for old time's sake?"

She sighed. "Right, Jake. Well, I'm busy... so shove off."

He looked around at the mostly empty diner. "Sure... I can see this place is a madhouse."

Lydia smiled, a smile that Jake might have recognised if he'd been paying attention. Almost defensively she said, "well, it can be, around evening rush hour", and fetched a cup. Once she had filled it with coffee and handed it to Jake, she instinctively fetched her order pad, and wrote out the usual for him. She turned, binged a bell and the kitchen hatch opened. There was always something else to complicate matters.

"Okay," Lydia said, "old time's sake, but there better be liquor involved later. What have you been up too, and where, I had to leave messages with you Mom, for god's sake".

"She's not my mum, I don't know where you got that from, she's a friend with benefits, one of them being a PO Box when I'm out of town".

"But she looks like Nina Hartley, I mean-."

"Yeah, I know, your point? Anyway, that is in the past, like a lot of other things," Jake shot Lydia a look, part rememberance, part desire, part.. dislike.

It had been ages since she'd seen him, heard him, smelled him... and everything about him was coming back to her full force. It was intoxicating and dangerous.

He lit a cigarette. "Hey," she said with mock seriousness. "You can't light that in here. Restaurants are no smoking zones now. Where've you been? Under a rock?"

"You could say that." Jake stubbed the butt out moodily on the counter.

So many images entered Lydia's head, things she remembered well, things that only just occured to her, things that had been long buried. The way Jake stubbed his cigarette out, reminded of her being in bed, post-coital, Jake smoking and blowing smoke towards an open window, talking about things. Somehow he had made her opened up about fears, somehow she had told him one of her greatest fears. And then, and then, he was telling her things, things she hadn't suspected, didn't think possible, wouldn't have believed if it hadn't been from Jake while he lay naked wrapped up alongside her body.

She needed this to work, she needed to keep her eyes on the prize, with all the complications she didn't need to start fantasizing about her ex-lover, especially when she needed him to do something very important for her. Afterwards, if Jake was still talking to her, then she will see.

The kitchen hatch bell rang louder and more devasting than the thunder outside, snapping Lydia back to the real world and real situations. "Honey," the chef's voice came through loud and clear, "food's up". Now, there was a complication close to home.

"Comin'!" she shouted. To Jake, she whispered, "Be right back."

"Yeah, and you can take my order when you get back," he grinned.

Picking up the plate from under the warmer, Lydia watched the already congealing fat from the burger and fries swirl around the plate, making the bun soggy. Even so, she had a feeling the customer wouldn't complain. And even if he did, she'd tell him just where to go--she so wasn't in the mood.

"Here ya go, Jim."

The man grunted back and continued staring at his glass.

She made her way back over to Jake. "Hey, look. While you're here, I need to ask you something. A favor." She looked around. "But not here. After work. Please? It's important."

Here is my idea where this was heading.

Lydia and Jake obviously have a lot of history, and a lot of feelings to work out between them. Jake burries things, Lydia ignores things until it becomes too hard. Lydia has heard about a possible theft, one that would take her out of the current rut of a life, and Jake is naturally the person she considers (even though, as he said, there were plenty of other people in her little black book before his name).

The theft target was a nightclub/lapdancing venue. Lots of bad things going on, including the disappearance of a journalist friend of Lydia. Lydia wants to spring the can of worms open. In the end, they still bicker and ignore their feelings, but once everything is sorted (though it never is, as the story would, I hope, be open-ended but not never-ending) they are technically closer.

If you want to know, Nina Hartley's wikipedia page.

Emily the Shopkeep

Emily sat at the shop counter staring out of the window and watch the village go about its regular, never changing routine. If time did ever stop, it would stop here in Muchly. Post-university life, post-London life, post-Charles life sucked, and there was no way it could get any better. At least on the post-Charles sense, aside from the tears and sense of betrayal, she could do something about that.

Of course the choice was simple, one hand held the idea that a chainsaw, some acid and quite a large number of black bin bags - along with Charles - would be quite productive. If illegal. And messy. The other, more sensible hand, had the opinion that all of those girlie magazines were in fact right and moving on and knitting your own orgasms was, in fact, the solution to all things Charles - like. And seriously, what kind of name was Charles anyway? Ok, if you are king or something. But Charles was forever destined to sit there, in the crappy names of the past bag, alongside Trev, Kev, Jeremy, and James.

Emily figured this is what people talk about when when they said 'I have baggage'. Baggage that should be left in the bottom of a quary or a lift shaft. She watched another set of cute little ducklings engage in another cute walk across the village green to the pond, and wondered at which point all of this happened. Soon, she should be counting up the takings for the day, which won't be hard, and heading off to her mother's for tea and boredom and bed. If this was purgatory then it was certainly a dull afterlife.

Even, she thought, if it was purgatory surely they would at least let her leave home? Looking back it was actually a good question - why had Ch-bloody-arles got the apartment? Why had she been the one to leave? Storm out, yes, but since when did storming out imply that you were actually the one leaving, for good - especially when you had done nothing wrong...

Here's my idea. Revenge is a good reason to want to get back at someone, especially in a situation like Emily's. She is about to be the victim of an armed robbery but victim is stretching it a bit, more like 'bundled attempt to have a water pistol shoved in her face'. Except the police don't know this, and they start a seige. In a kind of Stockholm syndrone situation, Emily and the robber, Brian, come up with a plan to get back at Charles in return for Emily saving Brian. Of course it would have got silly, but not too silly, and ended with rights wrong (Charles and his cheating ways publicly humiliated; Emily and Brian getting together; boring village life shown to be a hot bed of temptation).

Let Us Begin

'I don't have a start,' the mechanic said, 'if I order one it will be a day or two before it arrives. Depends on what you want to do, mister, I could get you going but if you stop out there you might not get back'. The mechanic shook his head as if to say, whatever you do, you want to be able to get back.

She slowly swept the landscape using her right hand to protect her eyes from the incandescent sun. The desolation of the desert had always attracted her. She thought about the reason which had brought her to that distant place... Excitement, adventure, random choices... 'This is perfect!' she said, 'Can I safely drink tap water here?'

'You can drink it, I ain't going to tell you it is safe though', the mechanic replies. He turns to the office and she watches him leave, he would be a random choice. Though she knew she was looking for excitement, she felt a little lost. Without her partner-in-crime she had to come up with the ideas. Without, she felt a little sadness at the word. Still, "onwards and upwards" as the slogan said. She turned to face the open and the sun again, hearing footsteps behind her.

'I have numbers for a couple of restaurants, bars and places to stay,' the mechanic said, 'leave your name and number with me and I'll contact you when I have finished, what is your name?'

'My name is Elizarin Nur' she said jotting it down on a piece of paper. The mechanic took the note but kept his eyes on her as if those words had cracked a secret code in his head.

'Elizarin... Nur' he repeated.

'Yes, that's my name. Will you find me then?'

''I will' the mechanic uttered.

He thought: 'Man, she's hot! But she's got "back off" written all over her..."

'Please call me no, early or late, I really wanna keep going'

She turned away and walked down the main street.

The mechanic watched her walk away, thinking about the men who had visited two days earlier. There was no question about it, she was the person they were looking for. But, despite the money they had given him, the mechanic felt that she could do with a few days undisturbed. If she was really lucky, he would call them once she had set off.

Elizarin walked down the street. In the midday heat there were very little people around, and those that were kept to the shade offered by the shop's awnings. She spotted the café on the top of the mechanic's list and thought it was time for a coffee and something to drink. Forgetting herself, she stepped out to cross the road to be greeted by the angry horn of a small truck, the driver glaring her...

Here is my thoughts about where it is going. Actually, won't reveal where I thought this was heading, this was my first email-collaborative story start and I enjoyed it a great deal.

Amazing content juxtaposition in the Daily Mail

2010-06-05T01:02:00.003+01:00

In Saturday 5th June's edition of the Daily Mail, Giles Coren is featured extolling the benefit of letting out one's anger.

On the front page is the headline "The Deadly Hate That Festered For 13 Years".

Well done, Daily Fail, really acting sensibly in these testing times for a community wrecked by a killing spree.

And Coren, please, if I get enough people to buy your book will you stop talking about your 'anger'?

Sky buys VMTV

2010-06-04T17:39:00.004+01:00

So, now that Sky has bought Virgin Media TV, what happens to UKTV? Does this mean that BSkyB are now working with the BBC, again, BSkyB working with the 'expansionist' (okay, paraphrasing there) BBC?

And what happens to Criminal Minds on Virgin1? This is an important issue, everyone needs a Gideon/Reed fix

Don't get sensational

2010-05-28T10:27:00.004+01:00

The murders are of interest. Allegedly it involves a man who has given himself an outlandish name, who preyed on very vulnerable women outside of the bounds of normal society. Vulnerable women who would normally be ignored.

There are elements that are 'scandalous' and sensational, but I hope for once it isn't covered as such. I hope that journalists focus on the facts rather than 'go big' and make stupid claims. I hope that where as before the news media flooded the scene interviewing everyone, that this time they keep restrained and focus on the people who count.

These murders are news. They expose failings in British society. They deserve to be reported on with respect to the dead and to the legal process. They do not deserve to be splashed tall across the pages with claims and other distractions that ultimately turn out to be fiction.

Challenge fiction, challenge what happened, don't treat murder as a means to be sensational and sell newspapers.

PS The name is the 'Crossbow Cannibal'. I believe the reason he has given himself this name is to try and throw a spanner in the works of the investigation and create notoriety in the media. Please don't allow this man to do so, if he is the murderer he should be made to face the full force of the legal system.

Richard Littlejohn Prostitutes

2010-05-27T09:21:00.000+01:00

So, three prostitutes have been murdered in Yorkshire. All murder is wrong, as is violence against women. No one should or could ever argue that just because they were prostitutes they deserved what they got.

And that goes for Richard Littlejohn in the Daily Male. After five prostitutes were murdered in Ipswich he managed to suggest that they were unlikely to contribute anything to society so it was no great loss (I'm paraphrasing here, but honestly, just search 'richard littlejohn prostitutes' in google - I don't want to link to him in my blog).

Littlejohn, please, I know you like to think that saying stupid things that are unpopular is cool because it provokes a reaction, but we are talking about HUMAN LIFE here and if you can't respect that, you aren't really a very nice person and your views of the world will always be flawed.

Running targets

2010-05-04T21:00:00.001+01:00

First 10km: 57 minutes 12 seconds

First five training 10km under 40 minutes:

First 10km race under 40 minutes:

First 15km at 15kmph:

First five runs home from work (distance/time):

First half-marathon race:

First marathon:

First sub-3hr marathon:

I have only two things to say...

2010-04-27T12:55:00.003+01:00

Here are my replies to some popular questions of the day:

- No, all my life I have voted Liberal Democrat because I want electoral reform. If coalitions are such a problem, can I expect your party never to enter a coalition?

- If I wanted a copy of Avatar I would have picked up a copy.

Where I run and what I listen to 72: How I Finally Managed It

2010-04-03T10:15:00.001+01:00

Location: Richmond Park
Time: 57 minutes 12 seconds
BPM: n/a
Distance: 10km
Listen: Random (see note)
Note: This entry should really be called 'How I finally managed it'. This was race day, the last seven weeks have been building towards this. Saturday 3rd April would be fight or flight, and no matter how nervous or unprepared I had been feeling, there was never going to be flight.

And I had been feeling very nervous and unprepared. I had already done a few (5) 10kms so I knew I could do them. It shouldn't matter about the time but somewhere it did, and try as I might I could replicate my speed outside with my speed inside.

So, where to start. On Wednesday my youngest brother came to stay, so had been messing around with him. He helped with some of the preparations (not that eating out is hard) and also helped me remix/mash Los Campesinos's 'You! Me! Dancing!' with Under Milk Wood's beginning. This had been intened as a start song but I skipped it until the second 5km lap.

Hannah had been a great help, keeping me going and offering advice/encouragement. She probably doesn't think she's doing much but she is a search light.

During the week my sponsorship had been going up. Unofficially, as long as I got over 50% [also, the other thought, as long as it's under 70 minutes] I would be happy.

Saturday morning I was nervous. I had showered, went to the loo and tried to put to the back of my mind any aches and pains that cropped up. They were almost all in my head. I tied my shoes too tight, I had to wait for my water, there seemed so many things getting in the way.

Simon drove me and Hannah to Richmond Park, parking in a very water logged car park. There was also a lot of other runners, and they looked a lot more professional than me. There would be no flight but my fight might be slower than everyone else.

We wandered over to regiestration for my chip, my first taste of the air and weather: muddy and a little chill with clear skies. I realised I didn't have my headband. Back to car.

I went to the loo. Final chance to empty my bowls. And luckily I did.

I collected Simon and Hannah from the car, and we went off to watch the 5km race kick off. Nerves calming though still unsure of myself.

The 5km goes off in two groups. While we waited, the woman starter introduced some of the others - all the first timers put their hands up (me included); there was a man who was about to travel to the North Pole Marathon.

I didn't know this at the time, there were 188 runners for the 10km.

Group one went off. Here were the competitors. I wasn't a competitor so group two. Hannah and Simon wished me luck, then we were off.

Right, time to fight.

Firstly, it was hard getting a pace amongst other runners - I didn't know who was best to follow. I need to work out an internal pace setter.

The 'first track' Simon and I had worked on was not much use. I skipped to 'Skylon' - not all of it but enough to get me moving.

The first 1km went okay, though ended on a hill. There was a hole in my training: hills, even a little one, was hard. Still, going okay, even catching up with either group one 10kms or those doing 5km.

I settled in a pace. I noticed other runners with about my pace, and trued to keep up with them. This might be a mistake.

Down hill, fun, up second hill, getting the hang of things. Cyclists and non-race runners coming at us, but I felt good - I had a number on my chest.

I reached the one quarter mark, now running inwards. There is a long and nice hill, descending, so pace picks up a lot.. I fly almost, effort not so hard. Pass the 4km mark, turn off pavement and on to slippery mud. Shame, substitute pace for stability.

I come around towards the halfway/lap mark. Hannah and Simon are waiting for me, about 4.9km, taking pitures and giving encouragements. And I needed them. Second lap.

This time the song we made worked. Now people were passing me, I was passing others. It felt okay, just keep going.

The hiill at 6km went okay, but the one after the down hill is hard. I decide to walk, for 30 seconds. This doesn't cover the whole hill, but enough to keep me focused. Passed the three quarter mark, the hills downward. This is going well, in my head I work out I am ahead of my pace. If I push I might do very well. And I have energy to push.

Also what enters my head is 'Fred Astaire'. A lot of things have passed though my head since the start of the race, but thi s is one of the main thoughts - I don't have 'Fred Astaire' to listen to, so I stop my music. I'm close to 9km, time to plan the sprint. The course becomes too slippy so for about 200 metres I run on a road, but the course veers left towards the last 500 metre, so I suck it uup and just run normally. I figure I will have plenty of time to practise the things learnt in this race: hills; pacing myself; mud; sprints.

Third to last corner. See Hannah and Simon away from finish line, try to indicate for them to move as I thought they wouldn't have time. I was wrong and they got a good picture as well.

Second to last corner. Slight change in the course, feeling lost even though it makes sense. Fight on, passed, twice. Last corner.

Finish line in slight. Closer, I hear Hannah and Simon shout encouragement but can't see them. There is clapping.

There's the line. Electronically my time is recorded. I stop running, there is a man who wants his electronic tag back. I sit, get up, see Hannah and Simon. A wave of emoton hits me, 'just like Fred Astaire'.

I hug Hannah. I'm sweaty, but not too bad. I did it for her, for everyone I wanted to be proud of me. I had a cry.

We collect my time. 57 minutes and 12 seconds, and head back to the car. Back home, shower, make calls. Feeling very elated. Time for fry-up.

As in, taking the...

2010-02-18T08:43:00.004Z

So, the PCC has done its self-regulating trick and decided not to uphold a complaint about Jan Moir's article on the death of Stephen Gately. Well done, trebles all round, one group of newspaper people decide that another group of newspaper people didn't do anything wrong.

Except, well, the PISS tried to cover its back by saying it could "fully understand" why Andrew Cowles and all the others had been upset by Moir's article and agreed there were flaws in the article but that the price of freedom of expression was that columnists said things which other people might find offensive or inappropriate.

I could say offensive and inappropriate things about the PISS. I could make outrageous and unfounded claims about Moir's lifestyle. I won't because I believe in a certain level of fairness and respect, and not making things up about people and official bodies.

What I will say is this, the Daily Mail is not a very good newspaper. It is full of advertising, reports medical research incorrectly and pursues its own agendas on every level.

It has done good in the past but at the moment, is the price of freedom of expression really about the ability to strongly question a foreign official coroner's report because it allows one to say such deaths struck a blow to the "happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships"?

Midsummer, Soho Theatre

2010-01-22T06:50:00.005Z

A man and a woman who definitely should not sleep together, ever. Ever.

This is a rather enjoyable play, with Cora Bissett as Helena and Matthew Pidgeon as Bob singing and acting their way through a memorable and wet midsummer weekend in Edinburgh. They are both hiding from secrets they dare not tell anyone, and through the course of the one act play they reveal their lives to be what they are: not what they expected them to be at 35.

It's funny and well paced. There are some interesting scenes, with both Bissett and Pidgeon taking on different characters as the plot dictates (Bissett as a gangster with a Oedipus complex his son was one of the best, especially with the guitar-sounded violence). This isn't a musical. It is a play with songs and they become more a sountrack as events unfolded, highlighting motifs and jokes.

One can see why this went down in Edinburgh, audiences are invited into the play (even getting to read out questions inside Bob's head). The laughs are fun, the acting well and the direction good. What I'm saying is, go to see it.

And what I am really saying is, go to see it I think you'll enjoy it.

Heard in the office

2010-01-16T06:14:00.001Z

Colleague in my office: "Did you just compare the English public to a relentless killing machine from the future?"

Heard on South West Trains

2010-01-14T22:02:00.000Z

One woman to another: "His parents are sneaky trying to get me to tell my parents first so they don't feel embarrassed"

Klassy people

2010-01-12T10:10:00.005Z

Myleene Klass and Alastair Campbell, two examples of the same thing. It's a fudge, smudging the truth for their own means.

Be honest at all times, it's the only way to live life and it is how I will view either of them. Campbell has his reasons for his actions, there are plenty of websites that discuss them, but let's recap Klass.

Speaking at an event to launch publicity for her new ITV programme, Klass alleges that offices from her local police force warn her about waving an offensive weapon at intruders outside her home.

The local police force, Hertfordshire police deny the allegations. The spokesman goes as far as saying: "For clarification, at no point were any official warnings or words of advice given to the home owner in relation to the use of a knife or offensive weapon in their home".

Hertfordshire police don't have a new programme to launch on ITV1.

And finally, Jonathan Ross is to leave the BBC

2010-01-07T10:34:00.003Z

The details are still sketchy, and it sits between all the snow and Labour party news, but it appears Jonathan Ross is to leave the BBC when his current contract ends this summer. He says that his decision is 'not financially motivated' (according to BBC News) but I wonder, might it have something to do with Ross's production company?

I don't particularly care for Ross, but for once I would be interested in what he has to say. I'd love to know the reason, the real deep down reason for his decision. Would it have anything to do with this?

And I'd be interested to know what his next deal will be. ITV? Mm, bit lacking in cash. C4? Bit of a step back. Five? Might be worth a laugh. Sky? Most probably, though Watch might be a good bet. Oh, I know, QVC or Bid TV.

The best bit about this episode is for once the BBC's critics can no longer use Ross and his alleged pay deal to hit the Corporation.

Doctor Who premonition

2010-01-01T20:00:00.003Z

Right, the time on my PC is 735am, I'm at work waiting for our delivery man before I can head home. I am eagerly awaiting watching David Tennant's final performance as the tenth Doctor in Doctor Who tonight (it's on at 640pm, and just in case I am recording it).

Having read quite a bit of Doctor Who publicity overnight, one thought struck me about how the Good Doctor might be killed off. A lot of the publicity mentions the 'heart breaking' nature of the deed, and given that the episode heralds the return of the Timelords, I would if it is them who kill him.

It has a logic. The Doctor thought he had 'killed off' both the Timelords and the Daleks, and has been lonely ever since. In the Waters of Mars he tried rebelling against time because he was the last Timelord, but time and a gun gave him a violent rebuttal. The Timelords might want to remove the tenth Doctor for his crime, thus paving the way for Matt Smith to become the eleventh.

But I don't know (well, by the time this posts, I didn't know). I hope it is not so, that there is something else more heartbreaking behind the killing, may be by the hand of Wilfred or Donna.

All I know is that I can't wait to finish work, get home, see H and wish her a Happy New Year, sleep for more than six hours, wake up and watch Doctor Who.

I pushed the button

2010-01-01T00:01:00.001Z

And the world changed. I know what I want to do with my life, I know I have the support of my amazing partner and my close friends, I know that I can do it. I just need to do it, no holding back.

Life is for living, to aim for something and to achieve it.

I urge you all to do the same.

2009, 2010

2009-12-31T23:59:00.007Z

So, here we are again, another New Year, another looking with one foot in the past and one foot in the future. There have been amazing highs and lows in 2009, to the point where I couldn't possibly recall them all straight off the top of my head. It has been a fun year, but also a lot of other things, serious, full of work and play, with problems and solutions and continuations and so on.

It would be too simple to say 2009 was just another year. It started with an explosion of activity for H and I, we moved in together in March and we had our first big holiday to plan and arrange (North East America in June). With all the joy of that there was also ongoing health problems to other come.

We went to our first music festival together, Indietracks, in fact 2009 was host to a lot of firsts for the two of us. Our relationship continued to develop, the work and the play coming together and helping us. I have all these happy memories of being with H, though 2009 was not all happy, but when it was unhappy there we were, H and I, together and working things through.

The future is unwritten, but as long as my future is with H I will be happy.

And of course, it will. In August I had a work with H's parents and in September I asked her to marry me. We had been in Yorkshire for the weekend and I surprised her in the grounds of Spofforth Castle. She said yes. We have been planning and thinking up wedding things since then.

From such a joyous moment, thoughts turn to the sadness that has touched my 2009. My Nan died late in the year, and I think it effected me more than I had thought it would. Not only that my last grandparent had died, I also thought about how my parents were now head of our family about their mortality. As my brother pointed out, they are healthier than their own parents' generation and will be around for many, many years.

But then, the funeral. That strange sensation of knowing family members are sad and knowing that at that moment there was nothing I could do to comfort them because I felt that same sadness.

A good and close friend has been suffering quite intense health problems all year, fighting off so many things and continuing to tackle them no matter what. I am proud of what she has achieved and hope and wish that her recovery continues. Like all of my close friends I can't think of what life would be like without her.

Other friends have managed amazing things this year and I am proud of them. I may not see them as much as I would like, but each one is in my thoughts. One of them has done something I find truly inspirational, and while I will miss him I know that his life is better. What happened always makes me think of Play It Cool by the Super Furry Animals.

And then music turns my attention to the year ahead. 'Who knows what will happen, lottery or car crash, or you join a cult' to paraphrase Bjork.

I will continue to work, and the balance between enjoyment and chore will probably remain in enjoyment. Yes, work can be hard and annoying at times, but I'm pretty much okay at it.

For H and I there is our second anniversary and our wedding. Things are coming along well, but always with relationships, there is no complacency, they require hard work as much as love and respect.

My New Year resolutions. I have not put as much thought into these as I normally would, I have found myself busier in 2009 than I ever have before. May be that should be my main resolution, to sort out my busyness and organise better...

I guess it goes without saying that I will continue to run, with the aim of taking part in a couple of ten kilometre runs over the year.

I will continue to push myself musically and try to do all the things I want to, write and record my own music. I know I can and have some interesting ideas, so nothing really should stop me. I intended to learn more covers in 2009 but failed, so in 2010 I will try again, learning at least one Beatles song and one other song a month.

I will continue to try to make my life better. The running will make me healthier, I know I can become better organised, so it should not be too much to start being and living a better life.

There are probably others, like not spending too much on music, trying to go to galleries and the likes more often, but I figure these are normal things.

And so, to you, dear reader, and all my friends and relations and everyone else: Here is to 2010, may it be better than all the best bits of 2009 and free of the lows. Happy New Year, take care, keep warm and give to charity, any charity, it doesn't matter just do it.

Post script. It occurred to me, between writing this and when it is posted, that 2009 saw a dramatic increase in idiocy and idiots. As someone who believes in the good in people will always come through, it is worrying that there has been so many things done by the ignorant and bigoted. So hopefully, may be, with luck and all those other cliches, this will end and people will start behaving properly to each other.

I'm not calling for love thy neighbour but can we at least show some respect to the people we share this world with.

A question for Jan Moir

2009-12-20T20:26:00.003Z

A tragic death of a young actress, but I wonder, Jan Moir, natural or unnatural? Please give us your misinformed opinions on something I'm fairly sure you have no idea about.

Post script.

Guess someone has to start it somewhere, so we turn to the Daily Telegraph and that renowned coroner Andrew M Brown:

"Its cause remains unknown. However, one cause of sudden cardiac arrest in people in their thirties is heavy cocaine use"

Thank you, H, for finding this.

Where I run and what I listen to 38

2009-12-10T10:05:00.000Z

Where: The Grove, Osterley Road, Great West Road, Spring Grove Road, London Road to finish at top of St John's Road
Time: 30 minutes
Distance: approx 3.75km to 4km (after checking map)
Listen: Jesus Jones 'Doubt'
Notes: Initially thought I had run 4km for the first time, not so sure looking at map. Will run my planned route tomorrow and measure it then

Post script. No run 'tomorrow', another four-day break.

Where I run and what I listen to 37

2009-12-09T11:35:00.001Z

Where: The Grove, Osterley Road, Church Road, Thornbury Road, Jersey Road, Ridgeway Road, to end on College Road (due to slow children)
Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 2.75km
Listen: Bentley Rhythm Ace
Notes: Timing wasn't great, got stuck with children milling around the school on College Road. Slight weak knees but fun, the addition of running to Osterley Park, added two bridges. Might add anoother 500 metres to run to Wood Lane along Jersey Road

Where I run note

2009-12-09T11:34:00.002Z

Seems there's another four-day break in my running. It started with a visit from my parents so I could go to see Barbarians v New Zealand with my dad and future-father-in-law (Saturday); problems at work (Monday); and just plan tiredness and busyness (Tuesday).

Advice for a younger brother who wants a double bass

2009-12-04T11:44:00.003Z

[Brother's name removed, but he knows who he is],

as your older brother I have become increasingly concerned about you. I have become worried with your lifestyle at university, were you being lead astray by your peers and were you taking care of yourself I would ask myself.

And then, almost confirmation. You seemingly have given into some underlying base desires, possibly egged on by peers. I know what it is like to experiment, to be young and taste all of the flavours available at university. But soon it snowballs, it starts of with one and then before you know it you are dealing with numbers that you're not prepared for. It is not long before it becomes a habit that you cannot break.

I know because I've been there.

For you it seems to have started with an acoustic bass. That's fair enough, as I said it's okay to experiment. I messed around with a Jazz bass myself, well, a copy of one. But worryingly your experiments seems to be ramping up quickly - now it is a double bass, soon it could be triple or quadruple. You may think you are playing the bass but the bass plays you.

Take care, remember you can walk away from it, you just have to be strong

J

Post script. True story. I knew someone at Branston, was into his double bass, got heavily into his Blues Brother, then once he could drive, he got into cars and raves. Well, may be not that true, I have no idea what happened to him.

Where I run and what I listen to 36

2009-12-04T10:30:00.000Z

Where: The Grove, Osterley Road, Great West Road, Wood Lane, London Road to Busch Corner, Twickenham Road to stop at bottom of Linkfield Road
Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 3.7km/2.3 mile
Listen: Gruff Rhys 'Skylon'; Velvet Underground 'Sister Ray'
Notes: Lomgest run by far and most annoying because of dog shit.

Was nice run, could do with more steady running pace.

Is the Daily Mail run by the anti-gay mafia?

2009-12-03T09:13:00.004Z

I only ask because another Daily Mail columnist returns to the death of Stephen Gately. Stephen Glover picks up from an interview at the weekend, in the Sunday Mirror, about the circumstances surrounding Gately's death through the eyes of Georgi Dochev, and apologises for Jan Moir.

I have not read said article, my first guess would be that it had a scandalous air as the interviewee might have been under the impression that it would earn him more money.

Glover himself notes there might be something fictional about it: "Of course, he might not be telling the truth". But then, that doesn't stop him carrying on commenting about Gately's death, claiming the moral high-ground and continues the Mail's almost official line of questioning a coroner's inquest.

This is starting to get a little worrying. The Daily Mail has always been one of those newspapers where its editorial line is a step or two out of phase with reality (so many examples of this, just read it for a day and one will know what I mean), but this baiting of the public over homosexuality gets worse.

There are so many things wrong with the world. Rather than going over Gately's death again and carrying on with the 'homosexuality is wrong because it is strange to me' line, Glover and the rest of his ilk should take a walk outside, see the homeless people and the worried and ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Don't just write, campaign, otherwise you will become just another sad columnist living with a shoddily constructed view of the world full of golden ages that never existed.

Note: I'm fairly certain the Daily Mail ran an newspaper feature with the headline 'Is Britain run by the gay mafia?' but I have been unable to find it. Instead my attention was brought to a mid-1990s article where the Mail managed to greet the news of a 'gay gene' by saying it raised the hope of abortions. Next time the Mail gets uppity about anything I'll be reminding myself of that.

Where I run and what I listen to 35

2009-12-02T09:10:00.002Z

Where: Nottingham Road, Linkfield Road, Twickenham Road, Amhurst Gardens, Wood Lane
Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 3.3km
Listen: Yo La Tengo 'Spec Bebop'; Stereolab 'Soop Grove'.
Notes: Backwards today, meaning there was a hill to climb at halfway. Little hard but fun, more tomorrow. Tried using "Zarquon" instead of swearing.

Where I run and what I listen to 34

2009-12-01T09:15:00.002Z

Where: The Grove, Osterley Road, Great West Road, Wood Lane, Amhurst Gardens, Twickenham Road, Linkfield Road to Stop at Red Lion
Time: 20 minutes
Distance: 3.3km/2 mile
Listen: Gruff Rhys 'Skylon'; Velvet Underground 'Sister Ray'. Good, long continuous beats.
Notes: Cold, both running running and afterwards before shower. A lot better, easier to keep pace and so on. Slight disappointment over distance but will continue to end of week.

Where I run and what I listen to 33

2009-11-29T13:05:00.002Z

Where: College Road, Ridgeway Road, Great West Road, Wood Lane, Amhurst Gardens, Twickenham Road, Linkfield Road to stop at Red Lion
Time: 20 minutes
Distance: n/a
Listen: Chemical Brothers 'Hey Boys Hey Girls', 'Block Rockin' Beats', 'Do It Again', some of 'Starguitar'
Notes: Good. Starts almost immediately uphill, and after 500 metres I was ready to give up, but carried on.

Thinking ahead, do I need a heart rate monitor? And could I do with something like Powerade Pulse to make better use of BPM in music? Who knows.

Where I run and what I listen to 32

2009-11-28T11:00:00.001Z

Where: London Road to Busch Corner, back along Twickenham Road, Linkfield Road to gate of St John's Gardens
Time: n/a
Distance: n/a
Listen: Franz Ferdinand 'Blood'
Notes: Oddly harder, had a couple of 'walks' around traffic junctions. Think may be I am too accustomed to route, need to challenge myself. 'Blood' wasn't the help it normally is, may be time for some thinking

Where I run and what I listen to 31

2009-11-27T12:55:00.002Z

Where: London Road to Busch Corner, back via Twickenham Road and Linkfield Road.
Time: n/a
Distance: n/a
Listen: Regina Spektor, surprisingly enjoyable
Notes: Getting better, not feeling the cold much. Have a couple of runs to aim for. Broken little toe nail on left foot feeling a little tender.

Where I run and what I listen to 30

2009-11-26T10:00:00.000Z

Where: London Road to Busch Corner, back via Tiwckenham Road, Linkfield Road
Time: n/a
Distance: n/a
Listen: Selection of uptempo James songs
Notes: Little harder, had 1 minute walk half way through

Where I run and what I listen to 29

2009-11-25T14:45:00.001Z

Where: All over, possibly about 2km with runs and walking
Time: n/a
Distance: n/a
Listen: Nothing
Notes: Little hard, pace all over the place due to no beat

Where I run and what I listen to 28

2009-11-19T10:00:00.002Z

Where: London Road to Busch Corner, Twickenham Road to Linkfield Road, Grainger Road, Castle Road to junction with Nottingham Road
Time: 12 minutes
Distance: n/a
Listen: Nothing, just thoughts and I have a lot of them
Notes: Complete run again, better than yesterday. No wind.

Where I run and what I listen to 27

2009-11-18T10:05:00.001Z

Where: London Road to Busch Corner, Twickenham Road to gate of St John's Gardens on Linkfield Raod
Time: 15 minutes
Distance: n/a
Listen: Nothing, just thoughts and counting 1, 2, 3, 4
Notes: A complete run, with breaks for traffic. Went okay. Rain and windy

Where I run and what I listen to 26

2009-11-17T10:01:00.000Z

Oops, have two 16 runs, so 26 does not exist

Where I run and what I listen to 25

2009-11-17T10:00:00.001Z

Where: London Road, Bridge Road
Time: n/a
Distance: n/a
Listen: Super Furry Animals 'Crazy Naked Girls', 'Mt'
Notes: First time back after break due to my Nan's death and funeral. Hard, like all 'first-time backs', and might have tied running shoes too tight (they felt like they were cutting in).

Might have been a bit too ambiitous with how hard I wanted to run as course was a potential 2 miles long. I didn't manage more than a quarter of this. I have in my view running a 10km/10 mile run before my wedding next year, and want to get to a position where I can run a 6 mile run each week.

This is some distance from where I am now, but I do need to get healthy and lose weight/shape. With this in mind, will run to Busch Corner and back every day this week. That should equal 2km.

Psot script. It's not, guess my map reading needs to improve

Heard on Isleworth Station

2009-11-02T22:00:00.001Z

Girl talking with a friend: "And I was like, 'yeah, it was a good date, I bought my own McDonald's meal'"

Where I run and what I listen to 24

2009-10-31T16:00:00.002Z

Where: London Road to Busch Corner, Twickenham Road to Amhurst Gardens
Time: 12 minutes
Distance: n/a
Listen: Radio 5Live, Fulham v Liverpool
Notes: Easier, though long way to go.

Where I run and what I listen to 23

2009-10-29T07:00:00.000Z

Where: London Road, then towards Hospital, then up Linkfield Road
Time: n/a
Distance: n/a
Listen: Beach Boys 'Greatest Hits'
Notes: Long time since, rather short but fun.

Where I run and what I listen to 22

2009-10-28T11:27:00.001Z

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